Marriage from my perspective is in the summary below. I should add that, its just a summary. If you happen to read this, just take what you will or don't take anything at all. I just write stuff sometimes.
As a veteran "marriager"....okay that's probably not a word. But as a woman and mother who came out of a 18 year marriage which I am proud of even though it ended, I think I have some qualification to be saying stuff that I won't even say. I'll only say some things.
You see, before my separation and eventual divorce, my husband and I agreed we will not speak about each other publicly for the sake of our children. I respect him. I will not speak on him or my marriage. Besides that....I don't want to. That is my past. I have moved on and I am doing better.
That's what life is about. Improvement, because things cannot be undone once it is done. Also, I don't go backwards much in my personal life or relationships as I am not built that way. I am more like, let me take the next step into what makes me feel complete? My answer is God and my family. My ex husband and I are trying to raise our kids as normally as possible and that is a good thing. For them I will try.
Now marriage.......darn you smart people who got it right the first time! We love you guys I hope you know that. I love marrrrrrrriaaaage! I love it. I love when I see a couple getting it right. There is something about it to admire so much. I love a solid union. I love an unbreakable union.
Doesn't it kind of make your mouth drop open? like, how? Here is the secret, there is no how. Marriage is beautiful. Any long term union where there is a partnership based off of love and respect, that is something you have achieved and you should proudly wear it like a banner.
Are you together right now? Are you in love? Did you wake up with your partner? are you still married? are you still in a long term union? then you are meant to be exactly where you are and with the one you are with. Own that.
Don't let another person's bad relationship knock yours. Don't let another person's sadness and negativity envelope your spirit. Protect your partner. Tell them every once in a while how much you love them even if you have said it for the millionth time, make sure its a habit. That it is ingrained in each other.
Fellows...did you hold your partner's hand lately? Not have to make them wonder why you haven't? Hand holds are so special.
Did you kiss your partner and tell him or her you loved them lately?
How about complementing her on that gorgeous rare she has and remind her of the hot reasons you married her? Once a week? Everyday>? no that's too much. I won't pressure you so much.
Did you tell her she was a good mother or woman?
Did you thank her?
Men try to realize how important it is to have a good woman.
All of the above for you too.
Add this one......Did you listen to him? I mean really listen? With your heart and your ears. Did you hear what he said for real?
A marriage can survive anything. Anything at all. Except abuse. That's what I think. Physical, emotional, verbal its all the same abuse. You know what else, remember marriage is the holier than though, it is the holiest of holy, I believe this with my heart, so to take vows under God, and not bring your whole self to the table and speak those vows means you lied to God. You lied to yourself as well.
You took vows to honor and cherish, so lying about yourself in anyway while taking those vows, I don't see how that union can be blessed. This is my opinion. I am God fearing, so I truly believe that God actually personally blesses all unions with love and respect, except the ones based on a lie.
You must be completely open with your partner before taking vows, you must see them completely for who they are. Naked like Adam and Eve. That is the foundation of a solid marriage, anything else can be shaky. The longer you live from the beginning lie, the harder it is to save your marriage so be open with your woman or man from day one. Tell them your inner most fears because marriage requires complete trust. Not halfway.
No one truly knows the variations that makes an abuser. Non abusers who have no qualifications or expertise in abusive behaviors should not try to figure out the cause because you can't, not exactly. They actually have qualified professionals to help with this. Abusers themselves are probably unsure of the pivotal moments they suffered to make them turn around and then abuse others. Sometimes it starts with one pivotal failure in childhood. Their pivotal moments in their lives are not reason for them to turn around and abuse others. There is just simply, absolutely no excuse. None.
It must be that abuse begats abuse, and if an abuser chooses to continue abusing without seeking help, I don't know what happens, but it can't be healthy to live that way continuously, day after day, year after year. So keep your marriage healthy by listening to each other as it really takes two. One person cannot carry the burden of fulfillment when it is designed to be two people carrying that. I cannot imagine the God I serve would want any woman or man to continue in abuse. God is love. I will always believe that.
For those struggling with depression and mental health issues, in LA County, the number is 1-800-854-7771. Check your state and just make sure you have the number in case you or your family member needs it. That is the number for mental health and they have a lot of resources. Also check out my non profit page from time to time. Thanks for reading.
My name is Tracy and welcome to my site and blog page. Thanks for stopping by. On this page I will try to catalogue some things or pivotal moments I feel have made me who I am. There may even be moments that are not so pivotal but more like a muse, a funny memory or otherwise. Be warned though, I may take things off, I may re-edit or remove things. If you happen to read something and it isn't here anymore, its because I am either re-editing, or getting ready to add something else. Also, some of the things I say on here may be understandable and some may not, and sometimes I may not blog or add anything for a while. It's okay with me if you don't understand me or what I write, I mean no ill will in my words or what I write so don't take it personal if it offends you that's just not my aim. My blog or this page is created for me, and for my fans or anyone who wants to come on here and read what I write.