EP, WH, MJ and EB.
EP stands for Elvis Presley. I was first introduced to him through his Christian music as a child. I was maybe....8. I fell in love with the that vinyl record, and many others. We played a lot of gospel in my house when I was a kid sometimes, so I knew a lot of gospel songs and his songs were among them.
I didn't know who he really was until I came here to the US and found out he actually did rock and pop. So EP had an impact in my mind to me. I saw beauty, heard beauty in his music long ago.
JA can be tough sometimes but when me and my family came together it wasn't always because we were about to be scolded for getting in the mud or being too noisy, it was because music brought us together so I remember him mostly because his songs were real nice on that vinyl. It stuck with me.
WH stands for Whitney Houston. So one time me and friend was about to walk home from school, and she tapped me on the shoulder and was like, "We are going to sing as many songs as we know and if I beat you, I will know more songs than you." I tried to keep up with her as she went from one song to the next but I was bested.
From then on I found as many songs as I can to listen to and TGLOA was one of my favorites. Same for MJ, which stands for Michael Jackson. I was a kid when I found secular music and that was the music along with many others that came on the radio.
Well, I wasn't going to walk around school not knowing songs after that episode. I had to have a few in my arsenal. No one would be able to say I didn't know enough songs if she tried again. Even though we forgot about that and still went on to be kids but just in case anyone tried, I would have some songs ready to go. I do not feel bad for loving their music. They gave to me when I needed it, they made me re-imagine love and beauty many times through their music.
Let me address the word sellout. I know the word is used when referring to other human beings sometimes in many industries not just music, What is a sellout? Answer: A sellout is you and me. If you insist on knowing my definition of that horrible word, that's what it is in my opinion when you refer to someone as that.
You are referring to yourself and us as society. So if we are to address our human fellows as that at any time lets make sure we get ourselves in it first. Have you ever bought anything? then you are a sellout, yes even your biscuit.
You see, someone made it for you to buy, and they sold it to you and you bought. You partook ----- so thanks for allowing me to let you know how I feel about that word.
A lot of people hear music, and do not know what artists have to deal with, what goes on in their personal lives. All you see is the best of them which is exactly what we want you to see as that is who we are most of us artists. We want you to see the best of us, all or most artists want you to see what they are which is their art. I personally will not refer to anyone as that word because I cannot refer to myself or anyone I know as that, that is just my stance. May the souls above rest in peace.
EB stands for Eric Butterworth. You may be wondering why I mention a spiritual teacher in this same post. Might I add that if you are not ready to look into yourself, don't go looking for EB. This spiritual teacher is very blunt and straight forward.
A word about spiritual teachers is this, they might not like you, they might not sit with you, they might not even shake your hand.....but they know you better than you know yourself sometimes.
They know the value of human beings, so therefore they are the way they are because they have a mission and that is to teach us who we really are. EB changed my life in ways I can't explain, it would be like three extra posts and maybe some more.....suffice to say he is just another one of the spiritual teachers that guided me to true artistry. Thanks for reading.
I'm vegetarian 99.99% of the time. My kids are not vegetarian. They insist they cannot be at this point and that I can't make them. So, I'm leaving that alone for now.
The other 1% is that I have fish and dairy. So, we are going to have to knock off one of my nines up there for my sake, I guess now that would make me vegetarian 99.9%.
There is one particular meat that I cannot resist. I am not going to tell you what it is. I limit myself to eating it two or three times a year, so now that makes me vegetarian even less by 1%......Now I'd say I'm 99% vegetarian, call that Swegetarian.
Spelt other ways if you want. But its my word....because, its so hard to be a vegetarian in the first place, I often ask myself why....and I came up with, "swegetarian." Thanks for reading.
So, I've mentioned some opinions on here, they may or may not be what you expect me to be saying....but, I am an artist and one of the duties we have is to stay true. There is another opinion, I believe artists should stay true as much as possible. Now...Opinions though including mine just don't matter. They never did.
Except to those who have them, and all of us have an opinion on something....so I guess they do matter then right? except it is still an opinion, a thought so people can choose to agree or disagree.
This is a blog, I promised myself....not you, although that translates as a promise to you as well, but I promised myself that if I was going to have the audacity to maintain, upload and post to a blog, it was going to be me and my honesty. However, honesty means I will share some things honestly and some things I can't or won't talk about as that is my choice too. I respect opinions though, most of them. I do. Everyone can utilize their choices differently as that too is your choice.
The policy of my brand is to respect others no matter who they are. I'm sorry that you did not expect me to be this way. But I am this way. I can't always be super nice, but I can say that if I like or I don't like you, you can just bet, I still respect you.
I hope you don't mind that I must come back from time to time and touch on my other blogs, so I want to say I can't very well tell you or recommend something and say anything risky on here without taking responsibility.
You choose to do what you want with what you read on here. I want you to find my work, and my blog, but I want you to get a sense of who I am. I cannot come on my blog inebriated in anyway as I wouldn't be able to write well and connect with you well, I wouldn't be able to be as honest as I would like to be as I would be impaired.
Also, even though I agree with some things and will believe what I choose to believe, it doesn't mean I'm going to come on here and not take care of you. My aim is to take care of you if you read my blog or buy anything of mine. I want people to come on here and understand there is no judgement here.
I want you to know, that I also will not use my blog to judge and put anyone down as what I say on here is meant for either uplifting or learning or learning more about me. So, if you indulge in anything as I sometimes do socially or otherwise.....make sure to detox.
Say for instance you have something really important coming up.....you want to give it your best, like I give my blog and work the best of me....say you are choosing something briefly, like you want all traces of liquor or whatever you had in your system out....you see, I won't be able to tell you something is okay to do....without telling you how to take care of yourself or how to un-choose what I say on here.
Detoxing is a great way to get your system going again. I detox a full day before I come and write to you. I know that it doesn't get everything out within say a day or two but you can still detox your body for whatever you need at will whenever you want.
So I detox before writing on here even if its a short one, and come to you as honestly as I can in my writing....Its just me, how do I do it?....I drink two to three bottles of water, I juice and get my natural juices elsewhere you can find a juice shop and make it your regular because once in a while you need those veggies and fruits to do their work even if you are not a fan of juices, there are many other things to flush your system from contaminants, you can just start your own regimen and be safe.
Rest is also important. It just might be the most overlooked but you can't detox the short way without getting some rest. This blog is referring to the short detoxing, there are longer and more solid ways to detox, but I'm just saying you can jump start sobriety if you choose it, or if you choose it for whatever duration you desire.
So it is okay to chose to do something, but just know that you have to take care of your body and brain and with that....you do good to it. I'm not a big fan of fasting, but I do it.
You can fast for a few hours, twenty four, or forty eight, you can let your system recover every once in a while whatever works for you. My point is, I meet myself in the middle because choice is a beautiful thing. We all have it and we can choose to live our lives by choosing how we wish to live it, no matter the circumstances.
I wrote a post earlier, about defending homes with fists and how valiant that is to me. It truly is very valiant. But at the same time, dare I even go further here without an exception..... the exception is for those who gave their lives for freedom all over the world by defending us in whatever way they had to. It is true I don't like wars, not in the least because its devastating....however, I can't discount the people who did make us be free, the trial and error systems that allowed freedom to flourish especially here. Some of those folks are no longer here, some are wounded, they have to live with that, their families and friends also have to live with it, and we should live with it too, by honoring them. In any way you can. If it was for freedom, it was worth it. Everything I know today, I know because someone, some folks before me fought for it from the smallest to the biggest of ways.
I try not to forget. I don't always say it, but if something is important to me, I can bet I am not the only one it matters to. If its super important, it will most likely end up on this blog if its personal to me, I will put it on here or put as much as I can within reason. Most people know someone who saved them in some way.
Well I know a few people, in time I can try to list some of them but not all of them as some are very personal to me. Also, I can't list them all because there would be too many starting with my mom. Anyway, take some time someday to thank them in your hearts if you can't do it personally. If they changed your perspective to make you be better in anyway, then they have done most if not all what they were meant to do even if they don't know it. Thanks.
As in "Pu" Leeze. You can't "puleeze" everyone, because you are one person. I know this type first hand like....this is a muse. I once had a professor who I tried very hard to "puleeze", as in, show up on time, answer all his questions, turn in work, work extra and I still got a "D." This was shocking to me, because I had already set it in my head that a D will never get to me on my transcript....say wot? me>?....no way.
Then he gave me a D. Turns out, half his students couldn't "puleeze" him just like me. He regularly failed half his class so he could be known maybe as a tough guy. He couldn't know that some people just really didn't like the way he taught as word got around that he is just this way and has been for a long time its how I found out.
Anyway you can't please everyone all the time. I maybe needed that D, it put a great dent in my expectations even though I am not cynical, I can't be its not my nature. Case in point, don't let a D get you to think that you are actually a D because you are not and neither am I, never was. D is just a letter, as is A, B and C. All it means is you can do much better if you desire that for yourself. And a D in this post is symbolic because I mean to say, you may give yourself a D in how you handle things but you learn don't you? or at least I try to, and then I try some more because all you can do is try.
I really wanted a Journalism degree to start out with, but it was not meant to be, after exhausting my aid, they were telling me I still had one more class to take if I really wanted to go for Journalism, but they told me I could graduate right then if I turned it into a "Communications" degree, they would just subtract the one class. I thought about it for a while, after coming that far, I allowed them to subtract the class. I could have given myself a D for that decision but I can't really. In my heart I know I did the right thing, so I'm grateful anyway for the experience.
And now, I mention the great L.P. I heard of his passing. I didn't know him, have never met him, but he was in my living room when I was a teen. All of us know him or know of him, I wish him well. RIP.
How do I start this?........... I'm trying to reconcile the fact that I was an Atheist and now I'm not, how does that even work? when I know just how easy it is to lose belief in whatever you believed in once.
No offense to those who believe what they believe and their minds can't be changed. That means all of us. All of us believe in something. I stumbled on a man called Dr. Wayne Dyer. I try to be spiritual but .....I be failing. Anyway I found him, this is another author you should know if you don't know him besides Maya Angelou and my mother Glasme Parker.
Many people know him, I'm just saying if you don't try to find him and his work. They were helpful to me in many ways. If he could have done what he did, knowing him, I know this man is in heaven. He is actually one of my first spiritual lessons.
After all he has done, I can say he did his job here with us because he made me believe again, among other people. I am pretty secular, if you know what I mean....but with all that said I can't help but reference some of the experiences that were "pivotal" if you will, to me. This is not a promo.
To me, personally, he just belongs on here. With me and you even if you do not read his books or one book. You don't have to read his books because this is not a promo, this is a personal blog for me, I promised that I would tell the truth about what I am saying on here if I were going to put it on here, so I can't put promos on my blog, if I write it on here it is as it is. You just should know his name and be familiar with it at least, so that all the people who have ever mentioned him before this date, they are backed up by me right now, here. I'm not sending you to go buy no books. He was mentioned by them for a reason. Make your own decisions here.
Lemmetalktoya. A good long one. It turns out traffic is not that bad. If you are wondering about that silly title well, here is the reason for it...you see, I was a cigarette smoker. I quit for good maybe six or so years ago. I remember the day I quit too, I was on Sunset Blvd in traffic.... if you don't know Sunset Blvd at 5pm then you won't understand. I was frustrated, missing my drama class...this was important! And here comes traffic ............. hashtag ooohthistraffic.
As an artist, and since this is my blog, I cannot write anything on here that is untrue. So if its on here, its pretty much what it is. Its me. That cigarette was burning in my hand, my hand was on the steering wheel tapping with the stick of fire and ashes and I happened to look at it.
In traffic on Sunset, I watched it burn, then I said to myself "Wow! what am I doing to my body?" After that day, I smoked the rest of the pack and never touched it again and never will all by myself..... okay so I had help....Nicotine gums (they don't taste so good but it worked for me), 1-800-no-butts (Thanks Guys), they also helped me. I popped every single brand of nicotine gum over and over until my brain got the message. The patches were a little harsh for me but they work too. When one method didn't work, I tried another.
Quitting cigs is just about the worst type of pain you can get to and its one of those annoying pains you just cannot explain but its there. But once I anchor in that will power I can do just about anything and you can too. It was so difficult but I did it never to return.
I do have an occasional lager, or maybe red wine when I am socializing but in moderation only. I do not advocate drinking, but if you can be responsible and do not abuse it, then you take your control back over that there.....
I've never used cocaine or any other substances other than Marijuana before in my life and never will as those are not my thing. Thank God for saving me from ever having been introduced. And a silent prayer for those having been introduced to harsher drugs and are battling addiction oh man, I was lucky in that area maybe because I grew up in New York too, I was around a lot of my Jamaican, American and Latino cultures who were just strictly marijuana users, and even though I saw a lot of harsh drugs around me from poverty, I was lucky to not have been introduced to anything other than marijuana.
So marijuana.....I was introduced in middle school, (Kids are something else I tell you)......any way my first time, I almost ran out into the street and got hit by a car. Not responsible at all. Sorry to disappoint you but I am not using right now as I am in the middle of getting myself together with my life being what it is you know....a newly "D-word" mom. If you read my other post you know what I mean.
I wish they would stop criminalizing God's plant so much though, it grows out of the earth and you cannot convince me that this plant is criminal....I am not going to count it out and say I won't ever touch it again you may as well know that's where I stand.
I am an on again off again user. I went many years without it, 16 years or so without so much as a whiff......but life changes, people change, and for people who are going through stuff there should be a way where people opting to use something natural shouldn't be ostracized, they do not have to feel ashamed or rebuked or called names because they choose to use something that grows out of the earth that we live on or need it for a condition that they don't want to list. It should be a private thing just like medical records because its private. Not anyone's business but your own.
No offense to the medical field, I know this is highly political, doctors they have their duties, but sometimes those pharmaceutics do not work for some illnesses. You can't always pop a pill for that stress or some minor ailments, but marijuana is natural and that's why some people don't mind using it and in my opinion it can be better sometimes because your liver and organs do not have to process the chemicals like what's in the pharmaceutics.
(Real quick, the pharmaceutical drugs are definitely necessary and in no way should they be replaced by a plant. I understand the years of research and expertise that goes into making a drug to cure a disease, end or fix a condition, so please that's not what I am referring to here. I am only referring to recreational use. We cannot survive this planet much without our doctors).
Anyway, I hope more states regulate it in a way that it can't or is less likely to be abused and provide a way for people to safely and legally obtain it from a doctor. If you are driving a school bus, you should be tested and you should not use it because of its risks, that is using responsibly......
It should not be used illegally because of its potential risks, its a risky drug if you do not know how to use it, are not under the care of a physician or are using it irresponsibly which is just about the worst thing you can do. And a job has the right to drug test an applicant if their policy is "Zero Tolerance," that is regulating responsibly. You can't argue with that because its what you signed up for. Some jobs do not allow it for very good reason. Reasons I would agree with. Reasons we should not be arguing with. Its a privilege to be hired for the job you desire, they have a right to select who they want to select.
You give marijuana a bad name when you don't use it responsibly for the rest of people who need it. It should be regulated just like any other drug. It should not be used illegally. It can even be used in conjunction with pharmaceutical medicine.
There are taxes to be had here, money to be made for gaps in schools, fixing stuff the state needs, there can be responsible revenue, to be had for the betterment of a state, if people are going to use anyway, you might as well let them pay to use it, obtain it responsibly from a doctor or what have you, and some people use and do not want to advocate for it which is your right as well.....but would you prefer it continue to be illegal? would you prefer it in the hands of someone like the person who gave it to me and almost got me harmed back in school? these are my thoughts and opinions only. Thanks for reading.
Before I had a rude awakening a few years back, I lived my life for 15 years as an atheist. If its hard for you to believe its true. I had turned away from God deciding life was shady and he didn't exist and I had rejected God in every area of my life.
This post is not a religious post. In fact, this post has to be the post where I mention the Bible and Religion all at once and let it be that and move on to other musings and life. As in, I can't come back to this because this is how I view the bible and religion and my mind can't be changed here except to build upon.
I am not religious. Anyone who knows my work knows that I am not religious and I will not claim to be nor do I want to be. Yes I grew up in church since I was born but like I said for at least 15 or so years I lived my life as an atheist. I am no longer an atheist. Or maybe I never was in my heart.
I choose not to be religious. In my own opinion religion limits me as an artist, its just my opinion. So I mention the bible because I read it. There are a lot of people struggling with aspects of it because I do too. Its alright. I don't know where that book came from exactly, and if I were to be told, I would still hold doubts because I wasn't alive to see it being forged and neither were you. Its an ancient book. A confusing one.
I stopped trying to make sense of it all because I can't. But I want to aim this post at specific hateful elements that exist on earth. If you happen to read this all I'm saying is, people use the bible and God's word a lot to sanction hate. Its true the bible has a lot of destruction in it, but God is not a liar. God is almighty and powerful and have made us aware through his word.
Now regarding hate..... I want you to say to yourself. "I love the Lord, I sanction God in all I do. In God we trust. But I hate Blacks, I hate women, I hate men, I hate same sex couples and all gays, I hate religion and all religious leaders, I hate Jews, I hate Christians, but I love the Lord." Then take that statement to a true man of God...like a pastor, rabbi or a priest.
You will find that they will reject your hate because God will direct them to. How does God direct others to reject hate? He provided them resources in the Bible. If they don't reject your hate, then they are not of God in my opinion because you can't be religiously or spiritually of God but you hate some of God's people. God doesn't work that way because then God would be like us and God is not like humans even though God made us.
Suppose you say....yeah well, God destroyed a lot of people back in the day...........Well I still challenge that, that was "Back in the day," Ancient days when God maybe dealt with us more directly I'm just not sure and I do not question God, I don't know how that worked because I was not there but God is quite impartial in my opinion....furthermore, God provided a new testament where he hand picked and bred a human male to show us how to live. Jesus. Say what? you don't believe in him? That's too bad, that doesn't make him any less real. All I want you to take away from this is that all hate is the same hate big or small. Thanks. No more bible stuff from me as that is not why I started my blog. I just want my fans to know where my stance is on some things and this post is for that and only that.
For this post, I am going to drop some words that you may or may not know about. Shall we?
BAM!......................... thats a short one.
How about, BAMBOOPBAP!................ that one doesn't quite fit.
Let's try BOOPBAPBOODUMBAPBUP!................. That still doesn't work for me. Moving on.
Lets do TRACTORBEAMBAPPSHHHHHHHHHHHBOOOOOM! Not quite there yet. Lets Try TRACTORBEANBOOMBAPBLOWPLOWFLATTENEDREVERSEDOUTDOWNPSHHHHHPLOWSKIDAP!!!!! with extra exclamations. Awthankyou. Thats what that "D" word does. No one wants to utter it really, no one wants it near them and I don't blame them. I won't even say it.
If you happen to come on my blog and you are a fan of my work or my music, then you are why I do what I do besides God and the fact that I'm an artist.
My 18 year marriage ended last year. I don't have anything to say other than the fact that my 18 year marriage ended last year. If you are going to know anything about me, you should at least know that. I am in the dreaded "D" word space. No one goes into a commitment and partnership expecting it to end. No one can prepare you for it and no one can understand unless they have gone through it.
We share our three children and I just will not speak on my relationship due to the fact that we share these beautiful children and I know it can get lost in translation that children are involved, are even hurt and are the brunt often times of misguided or bad situations.
My aim is to put myself first which allows me to put my kids first if that sounds wierd thats because we are both first me and my kids, to them....I am in all essence "Poof what do you need".......for them I am that. I'm supposed to be sad and torn up. It was that way at first because that's just what that "D" thing does.
However, I insert here GOD. In my own opinion, I trust in my Creator. God does not want me to be sad, or you to be sad, God wants us dealing with that "D" thing to find common ground and start focusing on what truly makes us happy as individuals. So all of our pasts are just that. The Past. Past as in gone. As in was. As in no longer. Bye bye now. Behind me. Looking ahead like God wants me to do.
My advice if you care for it, or rather my opinion on that "D" thing is this....if you are going through it or are about to go through it put yourself first. Only then can you get proper perspective on how you want to move forward. But its just my opinion on my blog, you don't have to take anything with you from here if you read this. Opinions are just opinions not facts, so I won't ask anyone to solidly come on my blog and take anything from here you can leave it right here and form your own too and thats okay.
Furthermore in my opinion....as you deal with "D," Take as much time as you need to figure out what you yourself want. Also, its okay to change your mind. Try not to let anything or anyone persuade you into not prioritizing yourself or your needs. Why am I even saying this?......because only then can you let go and forgive and forgive you must or you will never find peace.
You will know true peace when you let that stuff go. Its not the end of the world because its God's world.
Let go. Breathe. Let go. Love again, anything, anyone, any poem, any art work, a movie, a comedy show, a book, prayer, a fulfilling activity and definitely do not let anyone in your life tell you or make you think you do not matter. In my opinion, if you are thinking that you don't matter and something or someone is making you think that then that something or someone is probably not going to help your healing because you and me belong to God and we matter to God all ways......always There is too much positive things out in the world to help you move on with your life. Thanks.
I can't promise new entries every day or every week since I go by what my heart tells me when it comes to writing you may as well know that for most of us writers and artists a lot if not all comes from that thing there that beats for life of life. So am I even patriotic at all? To answer that I simply say well...… I didn't become a naturalized citizen for no reason. If anyone knows what that process is like then you know its very difficult and selective in my opinion. My own country Jamaica gets respect from me because they produced me and others like me who are in their hearts Jamaicans or immigrants who came here to make a better life. So I can't un-Jamaican myself even if I wanted to its in my blood. However, my heart does split when it comes to how patriotic I am. I am as patriotic of my birth country, as I am of the US, why? Because the US is a damned good country and there is no two ways about that. Yes there are unfair systems out there, yes there is racism out there, yes half of us came from elsewhere, with that said, since earning the right to vote I don't waste it because when you don't vote in my opinion, you give the power to whoever won. Collective voices and reasoning matter for a very good reason enough for me to not sit home. So for me voting does matter.
Sidenote: I digress. Yesterday I saw a man in the middle of the street asking for change. He got, but I thought to myself, he is White, I am Black, but he for some reason does not see my skin. So I give when I can to some of them because in my opinion, they do not have the time or the mindset in their current position to refuse the help, therefore race is the last thing they see as they would rather to take the money. In my opinion also, most people you walk by on the streets if they are in a position as to be homeless or are asking for change for whatever reason they need it for, to me these are among the least racist people on planet earth and they come in all different shapes, sizes, and color. Do they call us names after we give and leave? Probably or probably not, but for those brief seconds where I feel kindness is exchanged I like to think there is some mutual respect even if they don't see it that way.
My name is Tracy and welcome to my site and blog page. Thanks for stopping by. On this page I will try to catalogue some things or pivotal moments I feel have made me who I am. There may even be moments that are not so pivotal but more like a muse, a funny memory or otherwise. Be warned though, I may take things off, I may re-edit or remove things. If you happen to read something and it isn't here anymore, its because I am either re-editing, or getting ready to add something else. Also, some of the things I say on here may be understandable and some may not, and sometimes I may not blog or add anything for a while. It's okay with me if you don't understand me or what I write, I mean no ill will in my words or what I write so don't take it personal if it offends you that's just not my aim. My blog or this page is created for me, and for my fans or anyone who wants to come on here and read what I write.