The title may be weird but this is an important piece for me to write for myself.
I am not the type to go back in the past much but sometimes it is necessary to make a point so for this post I will edge the past as little as I can but still try to make my point.
First...do not catch some type of offense by what you see on here. This is not meant to offend you, this is my blog. No one has to read it or nothing, I'm just an artist. You do not have to take anything from here and mention nothing to no one. You do not have to quote if you do not wish to. This is just my views on several topics, and life is still beautiful and worth living.
Lets deal with the Egodique and give it a meaning shall I?
Egodique - (Ego-Deek) The practice of misidentifying with the Ego .
How do I start?
Well....As you know I was a practicing Atheist for at least fifteen years. At some point you count. There is nothing wrong with Atheism let me just say...absolutely nothing wrong.
Why? Because God already knows about it. Remember God is a free choice free will entity. He still provides us all with our daily bread. Imagine if God was an Atheist which, God is not, he would be subject to our whims, to our little ways and we wouldn't be here. If God created love, then that answers my questions.
I have to tell you as a former practicing Atheist, once bitten by Atheism, it is quite the hardest thing to detach from and that is not explainable mostly.
Its just so simple to be a non believer, it is the better option for some and God already knows why you are the way you are even if you tell no one and no one knows. There is a misconception that Atheism sends you to hell. I assure you....nothing is further from the truth. We are all judged on our individual merits by our Creator when it comes to that. So to judge the Atheist next to you is to judge yourselves. I am of the mind that people can always find their way as I did.
Sometimes, I defend the ego? (shock)
I was an Atheist remember....its quite hard to drop. I am definitely no longer an Atheist and I can not return to it. Like I said no offense its just my life after all. My choice to return to God and that did not come at a small price for me.
In my very own limited opinion, in my limited view of life....I was much more limited while practicing Atheism. I'm going to briefly tell you how Atheism made me think for those years....all fifteen of them and still spilling over now although I reject it.
1) Love is interchangeable
2) Love should be used to manipulate
3) Love is used to hurt and can be withheld to obtain self's desires
4) Life is completely a self-serving cycle
5) Forgiveness is for suckers and is a weakness
6) Weaknesses are meant to be exploited
7) If someone doesn't do anything for you, why bother help them at all?
8) It is best to put your needs above others at all times
9) Did you say loved one? Don't care, they are to be used if necessary in order to get what self desires
10) God is a failure in every way
11) God does not exist
Much more, many, many more elements. Too much to list. Too much to explain but you get my gist.
In one of my Atheist moments, I was in a class and working on a public policy paper about the "Daithe" Penalty. Yeah...I miss pelt that but I'm talking about a sentence that takes the lives of our most violent offenders.
I wrote the paper in favor.
Oh....Oh....Oh....the irony of having to walk that back.
Because I cannot believe I wrote this paper agreeing to it. Briefly, I cannot speak for states and will not. I cannot speak for no one except myself on this. When I found God somewhere in myself again, I just cannot believe in the higher powers and also believe this is the right course. So I must reject the Death Penalty for anyone no matter who. I believe life in prison is simply a better option, that's my opinion.
I know there are reasons we do not see, I know there are states that will not agree. I know that a process ensues and it is not an easy decision to come to. I know that judges who hand it down, they think and they have their own reasoning. Much respect because that is a tough one!
At the time when I was writing the paper....the professor sent it back to me imploring me to change my position. I think he sent it back two or three times. But I was an Atheist, I didn't care what this professor had to say.
I sent it back still reiterating my position. Surprisingly the professor passed the paper. Now that I think about it, why would he fail the paper knowing I would have to take the class again? Why would he want to read such a paper and deal with a student who was....well....you know.....I had my views and at the time they were what they were.
And now...my goodness. Now I just don't believe in it. But no offense to those who do. My irony is that now I am writing a blog opposing it, that is putting that ego back in check.
Thoctor - You know I mean Doctor right? M + D = Reverence for life savers all over our globe.
Plus, you are Thoctor because your degree is the highest there is....above mine.
Now back to giving you the respect you deserve.
Not only did I wish to put that ego back in check...I want to make a major apology. Yeah apologies are weaknesses too... but not for me. No one can ever say I am a non apologetic person so I'm gonna nip that in the bud right now.
I apologize to any Physician out there who is offended by the threat to your license. I am a citizen and have no business saying what I am saying, but I apologize on behalf of myself and my family, for sending you to school for nearly twelve years, ignorant of what you have sacrificed to maintain your credentials, ignorant of where you are from, what you deal with on a daily basis, the lives you save, the emergencies you fix, the cures you are working to find, the families you are helping, I apologize that we asked you for your sacrifice quite open heartedly and turned around and threatened you.
I only know some terms of MD, but not all.
1) Optometrist. (That's called, "Is something wrong with your vision? I can help you fix it...I went to school for many years to specialize in helping you".)
2) Internal Medicine. (That's called, "I'm working on a cure to see if I can cure you or make you feel better".)
3) General Practitioner. (That's called, "Come all, I can try to help you figure out what hurts and make some recommendations or referrals".)
4) Family Practitioner. (That's called, "I specialize in taking care of families.")
5) Psychiatrist, Psychologist. (That's called, "I study mind health, I know mostly all there is to know about mental disorders and will try my best to make you feel better".)
6) Surgeons. (That's called, "You may need surgery at some point, I went to school to study how to help you stay alive and healthy if you need it.")
7) Gynecologist, Obstetrics. (That's called, "I love women and babies so much I wanna make you healthy and happy.")
8) Urologist. (That's called, "I love men, lets keep them happy and healthy.")
9) Neurology. (Courtesy of Google I had to look how that one is spelt. That's called by the way...."I study brain. If there is something wrong in there, I can treat it and make you better.")
Many more specialties. Those are just a handful. Apologies again, for putting you through the ringer, and then asking you to break your life saving oath. Just know, that if you as a physician is asked to go against your oath....you are being asked, you are not choosing. Try to keep that in mind if it helps.
Lastly. Another word about a practice that is as extremely important to me as maintaining a credence. The practice of spirituality. Its very difficult because you slip all the time, because now...I believe we are meant to slip....just to show how imperfect we are, but since I revere spiritual teachers I want to make one last observation.
Remember when I said spiritual teachers may not even "shake your hand"?, anyone.....well I did say that in one of my posts. It's still true however with one exception.
The exception is this....a spiritual teacher in my opinion will not refuse a handshake unless something in them actively prevents it. Spiritual teachers are the physicians of humanity for me. They by definition are the most advanced of all of us not in a medical way, but in a spiritual way. They...know...you...
Their knowledge of humanity comes from somewhere they won't say probably, or can't even explain other than God. Or whatever higher power they believe in. In all honesty, I cannot even see them refusing a call they know was presented to them for whatever reason. So not all of them will refuse it as they know they probably should not.
oh my gauuud.
Just wanted to say that.
For this post, I want to highlight my mommy. You see, I just must because she is the mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, sam, jen, yellow, orange, green, gold, pesos, arithmay..... oh, arithmay is just because its cute. I think so.
I guess now it can mean a plethora of everything that is good. My mom is the arithmay of me. She taught me everything I know directly and indirectly. I told you before she never gave up on us but that is the understatement of the centuries. All single moms know. We don't just know....we like know s-stuff. Sometimes. We don't get it write. I mean right.
All mothers are Queens. All women are Queens. Dads you are Kings all of you, just because we need you...you know that don't you?
Moms don't get it right all the times. But what we do is love in our way.
I'm a Progressive.
It's because she lived a certain way too. She taught us how to "Come to America." Obviously, its probably not a secret I'm Jamerican and stuff.
I once had a friend, who never had a mother as in she grew up without her mother. That must have been so difficult for her.
Dads day is coming up. She was one of those friends that had your back no matter what. In my opinion, she was as solid a friend as any one could ever have.
But she in her case had a dad. When we went to her house, we were treated well. With respect. Like a part of the family. I am trying to highlight both dads and moms. She had a two parent household, but she still had a dad. In her case, he must have been a great one. In my case, mommmmeeeee. One woman made me learn to love myself in ways I never thought I could. It started with her. She would never ever abandon me. For that, you all know its that one person that just is....for me its her.
I had to do this blog for her. I appreciate her bringing me this way even though life was tough.
Now, back to progress. So....I was a progressive when I came to this country I think....I will simply tell you why already instead of going into a long explanation. I believe in a woman's right to choose. Always. And if I believe that...then I must believe that a woman can make her own decisions at her own will because God gave us the power to do so.
Thanks 4 reeding.
That's right. This post is not about doctors. This post is about me. The first of it that is. Once upon a time...my name is Tracy. Hi.
Depression is apart of life. Now that I have said that, how do I deal with mine? I do things. Like stuff. To occupy. Then at some point I own it. Then I try to guess the reasons why I am feeling the blues and sometimes there are none.
Then, I un-feel the blues. Plenty of things to do so in my opinion, there is never a real good reason to stay depressed in my opinion. How did I come to such a massive conclusion? Remember here....I was mentioning how pessimism can be in one of my other posts. It comes and goes for everyone. Sometimes it stays however long you want it and sometimes its more permanent in nature....how did I arrive at my UN-intened conclusion up there....? I pursued a degree in arts.
That was my first start out. I find that art relaxes me. Most of the times. I find people who are artists to be extremely unique as pursuing the arts gives you a whole arena of avenues to express yourself. That's why I am an artist. I found myself, while continuing my studies, even if I piled on the debt. Now, as far as other careers, you're an artist first too. Think about that.
As I was saying....this post here is about my opinions. Yeah I was born in Jamaica, but I grew up here.
I'm both. In New York there is a name for us and its called Jamerican. No one is to take what I say as the "Whatever" it is you think I mean "it" to be. I don't mean nothing, I just write. Its called expression. But, now we are getting to the real reasons for this post besides me which are not a joke at all.
Yeah. I can't bring myself to say the G word. I say it in private for whatever I need to say it for. The G word is the word used to describe a certain deadly metal. It takes the lives of our citizens, even kids. The Constitution gave the right for citizens to have it.
So, I just want you to understand why I reach the conclusions I reach. I am not a politician, I am artist always. But I did learn about the Founding Fathers because I wanted to. They came up with some brilliance that it appears no one else was really able to come up with what they managed at the time they did. Since I wasn't born in that time, I cannot tell you how they shaped America you have to go and see for yourselves. I am going to give you one short reason why I think they are brilliant.....
1) America is mostly free enterprise. If I don't like the service of one business I can simply go to another, and another, or that other one. You don't realize how brilliant that is until you own a business or operate one.
End now...about the Founding Gentlemen. And might I add the times they were constructing that document? They must have had immense push back. They over came it. And not at a low price. That's my opinion.
Back to Whepp.
Its a cold thing, it cannot be fired unless a hand pulls the trig. How do hands get to pull the trig? Well, only they have their reasons.
You know...high school is important. Can high tech inconspicuous metal detectors work at schools and be mandatory? idk...maybe...when parents ask why is this machine in the school or if it scares children its sort of easy to explain to them about whepps and the harm it causes.
1) Maybe being a graduate of high school should be a criteria? Idk...but that's easily checked. GEDs' are the same thing as High School Diplomas.
2) What about raising the age limit for purchases period? idk....but im thinking if you have an age limit for drinking, sellers maybe you can decide on a reasonable mature age for ownership to be possible....this will take care of the "sort of irresponsible" part, so that whepps are not getting into the hands of people that are too young. Like I said IDK here. It might work it might not. Anything is worth it if that can save even one life.
3) What about a job? have they been fired? I know you don't think that's important, but it kind of is. What were the reasons? Check.
4) Ranges are not so bad ideas. (yeah you might think this is overstepping into allowance of something to continue but remember here, the "Constitution". Need I say more? We are living here in this country aren't we? Well, living here, means there is a document directing us how our economy should be. It can't be changed even though it can be amended. There is something in it for every culture. We are a nation of all cultures. It protects us even though it doesn't always work for us individually. In my educated guess, I truly believe the founding ones meant to bring peace, freedom and prosperity. America to me is one of the most prosperous places. We do assist a lot of folks so I hope we continue to do that as world peace does require compromises. Many....many.....many.....many, and then some more. Some compromises are better than others.
5) In my opinion, if someone wants to own a whepp....I would require 60 hours of anger management non-negotiable, more for high risk states. Renewable every 1-3 years makers and sellers can decide how that should work that way makers can protect the sellers and vice versa even if you don't think that's what you are doing. (But no one is going to listen to me and my opinion so don't worry I'm fine with that).
6) In my opinion, (My speech teacher taught me that by the way) she told me how to form my own opinions and own them. Anyway...my opinion is....if citizens want to own whepps....I don't see why 60 or more hours of safety training renewable every 12 months in order to keep your whepps be a bad thing. Like people are at risk, the public....your fellow citizens who support your businesses, they are at risk as long as nothing is done. We can't take the whepps, but you can add as many measures as possible to make it safer to own whepps.
7) In my opinion, there should be categories in which a citizen can own whepps in, is it for hunting? is it for a collection? (I know this is already a measure maybe) but if its for hunting, then who what why where how ... as many details, do they have access to a range instead?
8) In my opinion, the reason why I put the high school thing up there and being a graduate is because school is where you are able to see a child develop into a teen and into an adult....does this child have a history of mental illness? what is their home situation like?
Schools. You are the rock of our communities. I hope you know, that even with all the failures, successes balance that.
9) Finally....Parents. If you own a whepp, is it secure? how sure are you? They inspect homes for lesser things I'm sure, how about your responsibilities for keeping the whepp out of the hands of your children? I am a parent so anything I say...I'm talking about myself when it comes to taking responsibility for something I say. The truth is parents know so much and much much more than the schools do. Do you swear that by purchasing the whepp you have a safe place to store it and lock it away? Do you swear you yourself as a parent do not struggle with depression and mental illness or have a history of mental illness? Do you so swear that you have not purchased the whepp to commit bodily harm against innocents? Purchasers need to take some responsibility as the sellers. You can say you are just a seller, but you are the salesperson of the most deadliest thing humanity bears the brunt of. So its okay for you to actually want to take more responsible measures is all we are asking. Buyers, its your responsibility to own safely so violence doesn't spill out into your communities. You can also opt to purchase blank rounds or bb rounds for even more safety if you so desire. In my opinion, sellers or even manufacturers should be able to make a judgment on whether a particular purchaser or purchasers can purchase the blank or bb rounds as well. They are the ones selling it.
I'm separating this part.
I just want to say in closing. A lot of the times, people forget the First Ladies, that they have as much stake in an outcome as we the citizens have in our choices. They are the ones also who visit the cemeteries of our Veterans, maybe if their schedule allows they do other things. Sometimes they even have to visit parents who have lost their children to violence. What's not to admire about the first ladies of the US. Sometimes their families have to take a back burner for our interests. They were chosen by the people.
For the people.
No matter what you think of them they deserve your respect.
Support them. Anyone of them you choose. It doesn't have to be all of them. They are varied. They are different people, each of them has their own way to digest whats happening around them and contribute. I believe they want us in all honesty to remember them with grace. So if they have a book or something, try to buy it or support them in some other way. Even in your prayers and hearts. Likewise for our world's princesses and queens.
Thanks for reading.
Gleach or Gleaching.
A word I found appealing enough to mix "dark glasses" aka shades and teaching.
It may exist. For this post though I'm using it because I think its 'aight,' yu know.....
I was trying to find a word that didn't sound cliche'...I was at an event surrounded by teachers. I didn't realize how much they wore shades. It was sunny though. There you go. I was in one too. There you go again.
No matter what I think or believe, teaching has to be one of the most noblest callings right here with us. Apparently, they do a lot more than just teaching. They have rough days like everyone else. They show up as much as possible, and they teach.
They then hand students over to the next grade, hoping that that student has learned something they can take with them through life. That is culture as well. To learn is not a bad thing, people learn in different ways its true, but to give your life to lessons, to teaching others what you know so they can be better in their lives, its quite noble.
Obviously the components surrounding me writing about this blog is because I'm only slightly nosy....not all the way. Plus adding the word "Component" to anything makes me sound "cool." Its true some things I just don't want to know, but some things I do.....like what are you guys (teachers) thinking behind the shades?
The fact of the matter is it doesn't matter what the components are. They still teach. It requires a lot of patience. If you're a special needs teacher it requires extra patience. So I personally can learn a thing or two and I support teachers.
Literally. Just like moms, teachers hypothetically are ninjas. Ninja's they do stuff. When you put some ninjas with some graphics together you definitely can get an entertaining karate flick as we had those in Jamaica when I was a kid oh man. Karate, graphics, those things have to be taught, someone has to show you how its done. Today, this blog is for the educators may you be blessed. Sincerely.
Quan "sung" Physics
Definition: The task of having your brain tell you that you can actually hit a certain note, but your vocal cord's not having it.
In one of my blogs, I mentioned some of the artists that are very well known. I left off a few names. For my own reasons. I just can't go around putting names on my blog when the future awaits. I write as I go along and as I feel it from the heart.
I left off a name because I knew there would be a time that I wouldn't be able to leave it out. Apparently its now...also, its not my place to tell a living Icon that they are an Icon as this is not what my blog is about. I can only write and be "fanly" but there are other people I would love to put on here too, however this is not the time nor place for it.
Its just that occasionally I have to come out of my own reservations as its the right thing to do In my opinion. It will not be a habit except I had to do it this time. I also do not like to write about people that are...well....er...you know...here with us.
I don't like to write about them due to sensitivity. I just don't want to offend anyone. But occasionally, I speak briefly and then go back to life. So for this moment and this blog, here goes...
The basis of this post stems form a girl back in my school no one knew much. It was my first or second year of "Middle School American Style"....(I don't remember which year just the details). If I remember correctly, I remember saying hi to this girl maybe a few times but she was extremely quiet and sweet.
Once when everyone was lining up to go in and enjoy one of the talent shows, she stood outside waiting for her turn to go on stage. No one knew what she was going to sing, I know I didn't. I don't remember seeing her in rehearsals.
Anyway, she stood outside and told me and my friends she was going to sing "Hero," by MC. Well, Here is a real hit! to us, we were looking at her like she was not serious because in my opinion, no one can really sing that song without missing a note. Well, she sang it and she missed nothing. I even remember what she was wearing and her face, because when she opened her mouth, there was a gasp!
When she won the talent show, (there was a lot of competition)....it was a huge shocker. I mean she sang right past everyone, all the popular kids, all the other popular songs, she won.
No one could say nothing to her after that, and no one dared. If any of the kids were about to say something to her or bully her, no one did after that. She became instant sensation. We could only look at her with a certain type of reverence for what she was able to do. She even sounded just like the record.
I remember her because it was sort of a moment when you were listening, you wondered if she was really singing the song and she was, every last note. Every one was just wide eyed. Now if you know that song, you know that its next to impossible to get right.
Like I said, I do not mention my peers because I don't want to offend anyone so I keep my blogs the way it is, but this time I think this is worth a mention.
If you are in a category and you didn't win....you actually did, because you gave over the platform to the winner who is more deserving and you let them take it for everyone in the category including yourself. For winners, good for you....you do know that you won that for everyone right? That's just my opinion though.
There are many things that save lives in my opinion. Its just that music is one of them also. Icons need no intro. If you even happen to mention something they did without mention their names, everyone knows who you are talking about. Some of my most poignant years were in middle school. I am so grateful to have that memory. Thanks for reading.
Marriage from my perspective is in the summary below. I should add that, its just a summary. If you happen to read this, just take what you will or don't take anything at all. I just write stuff sometimes.
As a veteran "marriager"....okay that's probably not a word. But as a woman and mother who came out of a 18 year marriage which I am proud of even though it ended, I think I have some qualification to be saying stuff that I won't even say. I'll only say some things.
You see, before my separation and eventual divorce, my husband and I agreed we will not speak about each other publicly for the sake of our children. I respect him. I will not speak on him or my marriage. Besides that....I don't want to. That is my past. I have moved on and I am doing better.
That's what life is about. Improvement, because things cannot be undone once it is done. Also, I don't go backwards much in my personal life or relationships as I am not built that way. I am more like, let me take the next step into what makes me feel complete? My answer is God and my family. My ex husband and I are trying to raise our kids as normally as possible and that is a good thing. For them I will try.
Now marriage.......darn you smart people who got it right the first time! We love you guys I hope you know that. I love marrrrrrrriaaaage! I love it. I love when I see a couple getting it right. There is something about it to admire so much. I love a solid union. I love an unbreakable union.
Doesn't it kind of make your mouth drop open? like, how? Here is the secret, there is no how. Marriage is beautiful. Any long term union where there is a partnership based off of love and respect, that is something you have achieved and you should proudly wear it like a banner.
Are you together right now? Are you in love? Did you wake up with your partner? are you still married? are you still in a long term union? then you are meant to be exactly where you are and with the one you are with. Own that.
Don't let another person's bad relationship knock yours. Don't let another person's sadness and negativity envelope your spirit. Protect your partner. Tell them every once in a while how much you love them even if you have said it for the millionth time, make sure its a habit. That it is ingrained in each other.
Fellows...did you hold your partner's hand lately? Not have to make them wonder why you haven't? Hand holds are so special.
Did you kiss your partner and tell him or her you loved them lately?
How about complementing her on that gorgeous rare she has and remind her of the hot reasons you married her? Once a week? Everyday>? no that's too much. I won't pressure you so much.
Did you tell her she was a good mother or woman?
Did you thank her?
Men try to realize how important it is to have a good woman.
All of the above for you too.
Add this one......Did you listen to him? I mean really listen? With your heart and your ears. Did you hear what he said for real?
A marriage can survive anything. Anything at all. Except abuse. That's what I think. Physical, emotional, verbal its all the same abuse. You know what else, remember marriage is the holier than though, it is the holiest of holy, I believe this with my heart, so to take vows under God, and not bring your whole self to the table and speak those vows means you lied to God. You lied to yourself as well.
You took vows to honor and cherish, so lying about yourself in anyway while taking those vows, I don't see how that union can be blessed. This is my opinion. I am God fearing, so I truly believe that God actually personally blesses all unions with love and respect, except the ones based on a lie.
You must be completely open with your partner before taking vows, you must see them completely for who they are. Naked like Adam and Eve. That is the foundation of a solid marriage, anything else can be shaky. The longer you live from the beginning lie, the harder it is to save your marriage so be open with your woman or man from day one. Tell them your inner most fears because marriage requires complete trust. Not halfway.
No one truly knows the variations that makes an abuser. Non abusers who have no qualifications or expertise in abusive behaviors should not try to figure out the cause because you can't, not exactly. They actually have qualified professionals to help with this. Abusers themselves are probably unsure of the pivotal moments they suffered to make them turn around and then abuse others. Sometimes it starts with one pivotal failure in childhood. Their pivotal moments in their lives are not reason for them to turn around and abuse others. There is just simply, absolutely no excuse. None.
It must be that abuse begats abuse, and if an abuser chooses to continue abusing without seeking help, I don't know what happens, but it can't be healthy to live that way continuously, day after day, year after year. So keep your marriage healthy by listening to each other as it really takes two. One person cannot carry the burden of fulfillment when it is designed to be two people carrying that. I cannot imagine the God I serve would want any woman or man to continue in abuse. God is love. I will always believe that.
For those struggling with depression and mental health issues, in LA County, the number is 1-800-854-7771. Check your state and just make sure you have the number in case you or your family member needs it. That is the number for mental health and they have a lot of resources. Also check out my non profit page from time to time. Thanks for reading.
I was pretty much at a job twiddling my thumbs on a slow day. I was working with my co-worker. He was back there twiddling his thumbs too, but he was twiddling with a pen also.
He tapped me on the shoulder and gave me about 8 bars to rap. I found it difficult because every time I rapped it, he made me do it again until I sounded how he would like to hear it. My new song Soundbite is available for streaming in Youtube and Vimeo.
You can purchase the track right here in my website by navigating over to the buy music link. My producer for this track is Cori Jacobs. I sent out a job offer for a freelance producer and Cori sent in his resume. I checked it out and decided I was going to use his service.
My other featured artist is Eric Spencer, a guitarist and fellow musician, we have toured in the past and I thought it would be awesome to invite him to do the track with me. I'm just only trying to do as well as all the others before me in both my music and my art. Growing up in New York, you know rap. You just do because its apart of the culture here. You know mostly all the rappers and singers. You just do. I know we are fans of each other's work, that's a well known secret, and not even a secret.
Anyone can use or acquire the services of any of my producers or directors you see listed on here. My Socially Inept EP 1 producers are also listed, you can find any one of their work by navigating over to the Socially Inept EP 1 page of this website.
Dr. Ford is great on electronic, popular and classical music, a pianist and drummer, Raz Klinghoffer is a guitarist and great on rock and popular music. If you like any of the Socially Inept EP 1 videos or colors, directors Roger Brian Williams from Ale Ben Aba productions is responsible for the colors and color correction in the Socially Inept EP 1 music videos, and also check out Jordan Avtal who worked with me on two of the music videos and is great with video angles.
My vocal coaches, well I have been to two, my first coach was Nora Doncheva briefly and then I trained with Donna Parsons for my first EP and all my songs. These people are a part of my fabric. They contributed to my art and made me better so I can be who I am. Thanks for reading.
Peeps, below is a book I had started writing in 2005. All I knew at the time was, "Wouldn't it be nice if I had this in a bound book to read for myself?" So I decided I was going to finish it. I started the task of getting a publisher to even look at it after it was done. No one wanted to publish it citing they aren't really familiar with the genre or they don't do fiction... But to me art is not just about the sale, so I kept asking around.
Well, I'm hopelessly into fiction that is romantic. It's not just any fiction. It's life for me. I write these things and I fall in love with my own writing in my music and in my work. So your singer-songwriter Tracy, is in essence, your fiction writer as well, but romantic fiction. Most authors have their "thing". This is mine besides music.
About "A Simple Arrangement."
This book is not supposed to be in print or sold anywhere. Why? well obviously I have to fix it and give you a better version as soon as I can. If you have this book, you will just need to get the updated version when it becomes available. It won't be different, just a few corrections and elaborations. I finally got a publisher to look at it and print it for me in 2006 and it was in a bound published version in 2007.
When I had written this book, and finally gotten it in print, I was bragging slightly about it in one of my college classes. My professor looked at me and was saying "Where is the "Black" version"??
Black version? I wish I could tell him, "Sir, that one is also finished and as soon as I find a publisher to take it, it will be right here so everyone can read it too."
My hero is of color in A Simple Arrangement, but to have stuck someone who looked like me on the cover as my heroine would have been untrue to the genre, and to the era. How did I write this? Well, I first read them.
Then it comes as though I am meant to write it. I was meant to write this book and I did. I am so proud of the work to be honest. Back in Jamaica when I was a child going to school, I was told that some of our books came all the way from England.
The English that they gave us in Jamaican schools even though we have patwa an wi chat it yu nu.......English was our way of life, how to write it, spell using it, join it up as in script.... wi call it "joiningup"....so I was able to write this book.
I was and still am also a great admirer of British accents and ball gowns since childhood. Its also the princess cartoons too...all of them. My professor couldn't understand why I would write this way instead of about my own....
But my grandmother who is still here with us, lived in England for 20 plus years I think. I was fascinated with her accent when she came to visit us in Jamaica! I loved the gowns, the eras they inspired in the books I read.
It was all very magical to go to that time in a book or even read about that time in others books....with all those gallant sword fights and knights in shining armors, weren't they sort of always just risking it all for a queen or two or a woman or man they loved? or a throne they wanted? Horses galloping into battle, castles....did I mention castles...or fortresses, either one works. So many other things the genre inspired....like me....the genre inspired me to write my first book.
So I did. I'm glad I did it. I will re-edit this book or work with an editor where one is needed. Its a special book to me. I want to give it to you the right way so I will work on it until I can re-publish at some point.
Regarding my professor....you know what he meant to say was, "Where is your Black version of love? How do you love? How do you think you love? Is it different from my love?" In his own way, he wanted to know for his own reasons. He was curious, because his eyes were wide and he stood there blocking my exit because the bell had gone off like where is it? Will you write one? and not in a bad way...he really wanted to read something that was about my culture. Black culture.
He never told me his reasons for his open curiosity, I'm just guessing, just like I never told him why I had to write this book the way I did. He got his wish, and I got mine. To all the questions I'm guessing he had because I don't know why he said that....but my answer if I were who I am now....then....I would have told him love has no color whatsoever and that I finished one already that I think he might have liked, you can't see love in actuality but you know its there when it decides to make itself known. Then you see it.
My heroine is exactly how and as she should be, my hero is exactly as he should be all from how I see it as an artist or how I decide to portray it in my book. That class though was one of the most important classes I have ever taken in college.
Lastly: I have heard of Notre Dame. The pictures are no less than absolutely stunning and poetic and a reminder of what allows us to share and affect each other, that is love and art.
I will say this....all historical replicas have some sort of history, and yes its history, but imagine if we were born with no blueprints, not even knowing if we belong to the human race or not? We wouldn't know, so rebuilding is what humans do or should be doing. Its one of our natural innate talents, to build and rebuild the important things that are broken.
If something is broken and it can be rebuilt, then do so just for the sake that it is apart of all of us, even across many shores. No matter what took place or how destruction happens, it can be an opportunity...to make it better or put it back. Making better does not always mean grander. Its up to how you wish to rebuild, what vision do you have or what vision do you aspire to use and inspire? I implore you not to be discouraged even though this is seen as a tragic happening, the events that caused the fire, just remember God tests us in many ways.
By "Crasser," I mean procrastination for this post.
That time I slept on a New York subway to avoid apologizing to my mom. I procrastinated. I rode the train overnight. You see, I had rebelled, was rebelling against certain rules that all mothers have.
I wanted to go to prom....but we only had church dresses. Me and my friends had all congregated by one of their houses because her mom had the best dresses I had ever seen. We were all going to borrow one....and my friend let us.
We went to prom in "styleth"...... purposely misspelled. It was me and three others of us looking awesome. We were each other's prom dates as friends as we were best friends. That was one of the best school years of my life!
But, I was not supposed to be enjoying myself like this. If I was going to enjoy myself the best way to do so is under the word of God according to my family.
Reading. Singing praises. Going to church every weekend. Making a difference in the community by passing out encouraging words and pamphlets every weekend. Mandatory.
Going to church and then going out into the community with all the church members to preach and encourage youth every weekend.
Might I add, I was too cool, so I knew my school acquaintances were passing up and down the popular shopping block seeing me. I wasn't going to hide as I had tried hiding for so long and they still saw me. Yeah, but back in school I was back to the shenanigans.
At the time preaching and stuff that didn't seem like fun at all. In the end.....mom wins. I couldn't procrastinate forever. I went home and took the lecture about disobedience as all the rest of them were. Now I see how hard as a single mother she was working to protect us and it was inexplicably difficult as we were immigrants.
Not losing faith is important. All that lecturing mom did, I finally started to apply to myself and my life. Besides, moms always win.....because they can't "Un-mom" themselves or rather ourselves. My mother is responsible for the woman I am today. I wouldn't be a good mother if not for her. I thank her as much as I can. I just show up. Sometimes that's all you need to do is show up.
Faktor T, is the trust factor.
About the crasser above which is me sometimes.....I procrastinated because I didn't trust myself at the time to face my mom and tell her hey I am not missing prom. Because no amount of lecturing would have made me miss prom.
Its possible that if I had trusted myself enough to ask her, she would have absolutely let me go but I wasn't sure. I couldn't take the chances of her telling me no.....what? and disappoint all my friends who were also not telling their moms.
My friend had shown me a dress she wished to wear one day....a long time before the prom.....she got to wear it that day and she made us pick out of the long line of gowns and dresses for ourselves. What didn't fit we tried on until something fit. If that isn't a friend....I don't know what is!
Out of all four of us, only one told their mother.
Sidenote: that was the mom we all hung out at when we were not at my house because she looked out for all of us too like we were her own. She was also a believer in God and in prayer. Anyway... I wanted to keep it nice and error free....no mom to tell me no.....no problem enjoying myself.
And enjoy we did!
Trust is a very important element of humanity. You know what I trust? I trust the universe. I trust animals. I trust nature. I trust that I will be me, I trust my mom....after all..... like I said, she can't "Un-mom" herself. I trust my children......they can't "Un-kid" themselves from me either.
There is no point here this is a muse. I don't tell myself to have trust issues even though I have some. I think you can't go on not trusting something or someone. I trust myself, or at least I work on it as often as I can. Thanks.
See what it is pardon me....is that word we throw around but don't really give it much thought when we are upset at someone or something. Its starts with F. Its one of the easiest said words but can be difficult to pull off.
I'm talking about forgiveness.
In my opinion lets just acknowledge what forgiveness is "not."
Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, you can rage on for quite a while, however you need to acknowledge "whatever it is" that triggered your need to forgive......then do so as peacefully as you can manage.
No one can truly forget things that happen or is done to them that is hurtful, so do not pretend to sweep the slight under the rug like what happened to you and what you are offended about doesn't have a major impact on your life and those around you. You will need to acknowledge.
2. Forgiveness is not letting go of your hurt right away.
3. Forgiveness is not looking the other way....rather look that straight in the eye whatever it is and acknowledge this thing or person you need to forgive whether its from afar, or right next to you, family members, friends, co-workers etc.
4. Forgiveness is not for you to take the blame for anything done to you. Rather....accept that this happened, already. Can't be undone. Life is still good.....well how do I know that? you're breathing at the very least right now, you still have a chance to correct errors, right wrongs, encourage yourself to grow.
So what is it?
Forgiveness I mean........
In my opinion its acknowledging whatever, and choosing not to be angry about it. Its an invisible fabric that is apart of all of us. We cannot grow without forgiving. Forgiving does not omit wrong doing, it acknowledges it and puts it in the rear-view where it belongs so you can go on with splendor to the next adventure.
Last but not least.
You can't forgive others if you haven't even started with yourself.
My name is Tracy and welcome to my site and blog page. Thanks for stopping by. On this page I will try to catalogue some things or pivotal moments I feel have made me who I am. There may even be moments that are not so pivotal but more like a muse, a funny memory or otherwise. Be warned though, I may take things off, I may re-edit or remove things. If you happen to read something and it isn't here anymore, its because I am either re-editing, or getting ready to add something else. Also, some of the things I say on here may be understandable and some may not, and sometimes I may not blog or add anything for a while. It's okay with me if you don't understand me or what I write, I mean no ill will in my words or what I write so don't take it personal if it offends you that's just not my aim. My blog or this page is created for me, and for my fans or anyone who wants to come on here and read what I write.