Lemmetalktoya. A good long one. It turns out traffic is not that bad. If you are wondering about that silly title well, here is the reason for it...you see, I was a cigarette smoker. I quit for good maybe six or so years ago. I remember the day I quit too, I was on Sunset Blvd in traffic.... if you don't know Sunset Blvd at 5pm then you won't understand. I was frustrated, missing my drama class...this was important! And here comes traffic ............. hashtag ooohthistraffic.
As an artist, and since this is my blog, I cannot write anything on here that is untrue. So if its on here, its pretty much what it is. Its me. That cigarette was burning in my hand, my hand was on the steering wheel tapping with the stick of fire and ashes and I happened to look at it.
In traffic on Sunset, I watched it burn, then I said to myself "Wow! what am I doing to my body?" After that day, I smoked the rest of the pack and never touched it again and never will all by myself..... okay so I had help....Nicotine gums (they don't taste so good but it worked for me), 1-800-no-butts (Thanks Guys), they also helped me. I popped every single brand of nicotine gum over and over until my brain got the message. The patches were a little harsh for me but they work too. When one method didn't work, I tried another.
Quitting cigs is just about the worst type of pain you can get to and its one of those annoying pains you just cannot explain but its there. But once I anchor in that will power I can do just about anything and you can too. It was so difficult but I did it never to return.
I do have an occasional lager, or maybe red wine when I am socializing but in moderation only. I do not advocate drinking, but if you can be responsible and do not abuse it, then you take your control back over that there.....
I've never used cocaine or any other substances other than Marijuana before in my life and never will as those are not my thing. Thank God for saving me from ever having been introduced. And a silent prayer for those having been introduced to harsher drugs and are battling addiction oh man, I was lucky in that area maybe because I grew up in New York too, I was around a lot of my Jamaican, American and Latino cultures who were just strictly marijuana users, and even though I saw a lot of harsh drugs around me from poverty, I was lucky to not have been introduced to anything other than marijuana.
So marijuana.....I was introduced in middle school, (Kids are something else I tell you)......any way my first time, I almost ran out into the street and got hit by a car. Not responsible at all. Sorry to disappoint you but I am not using right now as I am in the middle of getting myself together with my life being what it is you know....a newly "D-word" mom. If you read my other post you know what I mean.
I wish they would stop criminalizing God's plant so much though, it grows out of the earth and you cannot convince me that this plant is criminal....I am not going to count it out and say I won't ever touch it again you may as well know that's where I stand.
I am an on again off again user. I went many years without it, 16 years or so without so much as a whiff......but life changes, people change, and for people who are going through stuff there should be a way where people opting to use something natural shouldn't be ostracized, they do not have to feel ashamed or rebuked or called names because they choose to use something that grows out of the earth that we live on or need it for a condition that they don't want to list. It should be a private thing just like medical records because its private. Not anyone's business but your own.
No offense to the medical field, I know this is highly political, doctors they have their duties, but sometimes those pharmaceutics do not work for some illnesses. You can't always pop a pill for that stress or some minor ailments, but marijuana is natural and that's why some people don't mind using it and in my opinion it can be better sometimes because your liver and organs do not have to process the chemicals like what's in the pharmaceutics.
(Real quick, the pharmaceutical drugs are definitely necessary and in no way should they be replaced by a plant. I understand the years of research and expertise that goes into making a drug to cure a disease, end or fix a condition, so please that's not what I am referring to here. I am only referring to recreational use. We cannot survive this planet much without our doctors).
Anyway, I hope more states regulate it in a way that it can't or is less likely to be abused and provide a way for people to safely and legally obtain it from a doctor. If you are driving a school bus, you should be tested and you should not use it because of its risks, that is using responsibly......
It should not be used illegally because of its potential risks, its a risky drug if you do not know how to use it, are not under the care of a physician or are using it irresponsibly which is just about the worst thing you can do. And a job has the right to drug test an applicant if their policy is "Zero Tolerance," that is regulating responsibly. You can't argue with that because its what you signed up for. Some jobs do not allow it for very good reason. Reasons I would agree with. Reasons we should not be arguing with. Its a privilege to be hired for the job you desire, they have a right to select who they want to select.
You give marijuana a bad name when you don't use it responsibly for the rest of people who need it. It should be regulated just like any other drug. It should not be used illegally. It can even be used in conjunction with pharmaceutical medicine.
There are taxes to be had here, money to be made for gaps in schools, fixing stuff the state needs, there can be responsible revenue, to be had for the betterment of a state, if people are going to use anyway, you might as well let them pay to use it, obtain it responsibly from a doctor or what have you, and some people use and do not want to advocate for it which is your right as well.....but would you prefer it continue to be illegal? would you prefer it in the hands of someone like the person who gave it to me and almost got me harmed back in school? these are my thoughts and opinions only. Thanks for reading.
Before I had a rude awakening a few years back, I lived my life for 15 years as an atheist. If its hard for you to believe its true. I had turned away from God deciding life was shady and he didn't exist and I had rejected God in every area of my life.
This post is not a religious post. In fact, this post has to be the post where I mention the Bible and Religion all at once and let it be that and move on to other musings and life. As in, I can't come back to this because this is how I view the bible and religion and my mind can't be changed here except to build upon.
I am not religious. Anyone who knows my work knows that I am not religious and I will not claim to be nor do I want to be. Yes I grew up in church since I was born but like I said for at least 15 or so years I lived my life as an atheist. I am no longer an atheist. Or maybe I never was in my heart.
I choose not to be religious. In my own opinion religion limits me as an artist, its just my opinion. So I mention the bible because I read it. There are a lot of people struggling with aspects of it because I do too. Its alright. I don't know where that book came from exactly, and if I were to be told, I would still hold doubts because I wasn't alive to see it being forged and neither were you. Its an ancient book. A confusing one.
I stopped trying to make sense of it all because I can't. But I want to aim this post at specific hateful elements that exist on earth. If you happen to read this all I'm saying is, people use the bible and God's word a lot to sanction hate. Its true the bible has a lot of destruction in it, but God is not a liar. God is almighty and powerful and have made us aware through his word.
Now regarding hate..... I want you to say to yourself. "I love the Lord, I sanction God in all I do. In God we trust. But I hate Blacks, I hate women, I hate men, I hate same sex couples and all gays, I hate religion and all religious leaders, I hate Jews, I hate Christians, but I love the Lord." Then take that statement to a true man of God...like a pastor, rabbi or a priest.
You will find that they will reject your hate because God will direct them to. How does God direct others to reject hate? He provided them resources in the Bible. If they don't reject your hate, then they are not of God in my opinion because you can't be religiously or spiritually of God but you hate some of God's people. God doesn't work that way because then God would be like us and God is not like humans even though God made us.
Suppose you say....yeah well, God destroyed a lot of people back in the day...........Well I still challenge that, that was "Back in the day," Ancient days when God maybe dealt with us more directly I'm just not sure and I do not question God, I don't know how that worked because I was not there but God is quite impartial in my opinion....furthermore, God provided a new testament where he hand picked and bred a human male to show us how to live. Jesus. Say what? you don't believe in him? That's too bad, that doesn't make him any less real. All I want you to take away from this is that all hate is the same hate big or small. Thanks. No more bible stuff from me as that is not why I started my blog. I just want my fans to know where my stance is on some things and this post is for that and only that.
For this post, I am going to drop some words that you may or may not know about. Shall we?
BAM!......................... thats a short one.
How about, BAMBOOPBAP!................ that one doesn't quite fit.
Let's try BOOPBAPBOODUMBAPBUP!................. That still doesn't work for me. Moving on.
Lets do TRACTORBEAMBAPPSHHHHHHHHHHHBOOOOOM! Not quite there yet. Lets Try TRACTORBEANBOOMBAPBLOWPLOWFLATTENEDREVERSEDOUTDOWNPSHHHHHPLOWSKIDAP!!!!! with extra exclamations. Awthankyou. Thats what that "D" word does. No one wants to utter it really, no one wants it near them and I don't blame them. I won't even say it.
If you happen to come on my blog and you are a fan of my work or my music, then you are why I do what I do besides God and the fact that I'm an artist.
My 18 year marriage ended last year. I don't have anything to say other than the fact that my 18 year marriage ended last year. If you are going to know anything about me, you should at least know that. I am in the dreaded "D" word space. No one goes into a commitment and partnership expecting it to end. No one can prepare you for it and no one can understand unless they have gone through it.
We share our three children and I just will not speak on my relationship due to the fact that we share these beautiful children and I know it can get lost in translation that children are involved, are even hurt and are the brunt often times of misguided or bad situations.
My aim is to put myself first which allows me to put my kids first if that sounds wierd thats because we are both first me and my kids, to them....I am in all essence "Poof what do you need".......for them I am that. I'm supposed to be sad and torn up. It was that way at first because that's just what that "D" thing does.
However, I insert here GOD. In my own opinion, I trust in my Creator. God does not want me to be sad, or you to be sad, God wants us dealing with that "D" thing to find common ground and start focusing on what truly makes us happy as individuals. So all of our pasts are just that. The Past. Past as in gone. As in was. As in no longer. Bye bye now. Behind me. Looking ahead like God wants me to do.
My advice if you care for it, or rather my opinion on that "D" thing is this....if you are going through it or are about to go through it put yourself first. Only then can you get proper perspective on how you want to move forward. But its just my opinion on my blog, you don't have to take anything with you from here if you read this. Opinions are just opinions not facts, so I won't ask anyone to solidly come on my blog and take anything from here you can leave it right here and form your own too and thats okay.
Furthermore in my opinion....as you deal with "D," Take as much time as you need to figure out what you yourself want. Also, its okay to change your mind. Try not to let anything or anyone persuade you into not prioritizing yourself or your needs. Why am I even saying this?......because only then can you let go and forgive and forgive you must or you will never find peace.
You will know true peace when you let that stuff go. Its not the end of the world because its God's world.
Let go. Breathe. Let go. Love again, anything, anyone, any poem, any art work, a movie, a comedy show, a book, prayer, a fulfilling activity and definitely do not let anyone in your life tell you or make you think you do not matter. In my opinion, if you are thinking that you don't matter and something or someone is making you think that then that something or someone is probably not going to help your healing because you and me belong to God and we matter to God all ways......always There is too much positive things out in the world to help you move on with your life. Thanks.
I can't promise new entries every day or every week since I go by what my heart tells me when it comes to writing you may as well know that for most of us writers and artists a lot if not all comes from that thing there that beats for life of life. So am I even patriotic at all? To answer that I simply say well...… I didn't become a naturalized citizen for no reason. If anyone knows what that process is like then you know its very difficult and selective in my opinion. My own country Jamaica gets respect from me because they produced me and others like me who are in their hearts Jamaicans or immigrants who came here to make a better life. So I can't un-Jamaican myself even if I wanted to its in my blood. However, my heart does split when it comes to how patriotic I am. I am as patriotic of my birth country, as I am of the US, why? Because the US is a damned good country and there is no two ways about that. Yes there are unfair systems out there, yes there is racism out there, yes half of us came from elsewhere, with that said, since earning the right to vote I don't waste it because when you don't vote in my opinion, you give the power to whoever won. Collective voices and reasoning matter for a very good reason enough for me to not sit home. So for me voting does matter.
Sidenote: I digress. Yesterday I saw a man in the middle of the street asking for change. He got, but I thought to myself, he is White, I am Black, but he for some reason does not see my skin. So I give when I can to some of them because in my opinion, they do not have the time or the mindset in their current position to refuse the help, therefore race is the last thing they see as they would rather to take the money. In my opinion also, most people you walk by on the streets if they are in a position as to be homeless or are asking for change for whatever reason they need it for, to me these are among the least racist people on planet earth and they come in all different shapes, sizes, and color. Do they call us names after we give and leave? Probably or probably not, but for those brief seconds where I feel kindness is exchanged I like to think there is some mutual respect even if they don't see it that way.
Believe it or not I had a blog before and had erased it during my restructuring of this site. I don't know what's different this time or do I intend to stick with it or not. For now I intend to. I don't intend to erase anything right now at all. On my previous blog I had a certain boxer on there that I had mentioned. Right now I remember his passing, he was a Black American man, some consider him a hero, I don't know him personally and have never met him. He was an activist as well from what I have read and seen. I mention this as my fourth entry because he was an inspiration to me although in the slightest of ways. You see, I don't like violence. If someone elects to be nonviolent and rejects war then I am in their corner though from afar for no other reason other than the fact that I too prefer peace all over on planet earth. I know its not so farfetched an idea its already here in fact, we just should accept it in ourselves more often. Also, if a person decides to use their fists as a weapon, I can't argue with that in my opinion when it comes to self defense. I cannot say the boxing profession is not dangerous as it clearly is. I can't sit here and say I like to fight because I don't its just me I just choose to be this way, but if a man would use his fists to defend his home rather than a gun I admire that courage. God gave us our two hands right? So using them to defend yourself, or maybe you like the sport of boxing either way rejecting the premise of war as an option is the central point of this post. So I got a little inspiration one time from a boxer and I'm fine with it, to me boxing is still better than war and massacre. So this mention is the fourth entry on my blog. For you up and coming sports stars out there risking injury, take care of thyself. Thank you.
I do think this is a muse …... That time I checked off becoming a comedian for good when I just moved here to California some ten years back. I can't call any comedians names even though I would like to because we are a sensitive society all of a sudden we either don't trust jokes, don't like them, they aren't "jokey" enough for us, or maybe they are too jokey but we don't like who delivers it for no reason other than we need to find something about others we don't like because we can, even though we shouldn't, we still do and we are all guilty of it its what free choice is...…..so for this blog just know I respect this profession and the people who risk their livelihoods to do it, I myself was going to make it a profession... anyway don't fret, If you are a comedian just starting out and you know you mean well, plus you know you are speaking your truth when you are up there, don't worry about the box people will try to put you in and do your thing. Long story short I was sure that comedy fascinated me. I was sure I could do it, I had everything down pat and then I wrote my first few jokes. I don't think I'm going to elaborate, but lets just say I do love to laugh but I will leave the professionals to their work, to the people who are experts. Lastly, sometimes I can't help but admire other professions. Comedy just happens to be one of them I do not mind having in my life. I would like to choose and say the kind of comedy I'm most into and put in on here, but you can't be too choosey with some art because if you accept comedy, its okay to accept it as an art form in its entirety even though you don't like what you hear. You are an artist like me, and the rest of artists, your art is just slightly different is all. Its really hard by the way in my opinion, so power to folks when they do their thing or are just starting out their career, if it fits do it, if its naturally who you are do it. Don't be like me, I quit...……..like immediately. Because I am not a true comedian I can only admire, and chuckle, and laugh then smile. I'll just watch and listen because I just knew it wasn't for me, that others are better at it. So I will stick to amateur jokes, when no one is looking. And write sometimes about the art forms that intrigue me as well as my own.
If you think I can write well or sing well or what have you, that is who I am. An artist. I write, I sing, I do other things but that isn't for this post. Why do I write the way I do? Let me first say all writers are as unique as DNA. Just to get that out of the way.....Well, one day in college I was introduced to Frederick Douglas and his work. I had to go to community college, I could not afford anything else. I wanted to learn so I got my start at a community college and let me just say it was one of the best experiences of my life so it must be the second entry on my blog. Obviously, it would appear at first that my education is cheap due to the fact that I went to community college first. But I feel rich in what I learned there as I graduated with "okay" grades. They won't let you graduate if your grades are low. The one I went to anyway. So I was introduced to a man's work called Frederick Douglas. I was born in Jamaica and had never heard of him. I had also never heard of many things until I went to community college here in America. I didn't know my history well and I learned it there. I will never forget how inspired I felt, and it wasn't because he was so intellectual and almost perfect in every way as a writer, it was because I could not understand his time and how he overcame what he did in the times he did. In my young mind at the time, I couldn't understand how he found beauty to write about. For me, that was one of the first times that I was fascinated by another writer. He moved me at a time when I was needing inspiration and took my writing and imagination to another level completely. So he goes first here now because I remember the moment he made an impact on me through his work. Others that have made an impact on me and have taken my imagination beyond myself are, Nanny and the Maroons, Winston Churchill (I'm kinda hoping that I spelt his name right), and Albert Einstein, (hopefully I spelt that right too). Those are the four names that came to mind for this post. There are so many other people and writers who have made me a better person, made me as an artist better, made me as a writer better. I may mention some as I go along, others I simply will not mention as they have touched me in a more personal way. Thanks for reading.
Glasme Parker is my mom. That is her name. She belongs on my blog for obvious reasons. She's mom, but not only that, she came to the U.S as an immigrant. I appreciate her in every-way. I appreciate her hard work that she put into us being a single mother with nothing, she didn't leave us behind even though she could have. Because of her, I was able to come to America and at least get an education. That is part of who I am. Thanks mom. Thank you for reading.
My name is Tracy and welcome to my site and blog page. Thanks for stopping by. On this page I will try to catalogue some things or pivotal moments I feel have made me who I am. There may even be moments that are not so pivotal but more like a muse, a funny memory or otherwise. Be warned though, I may take things off, I may re-edit or remove things. If you happen to read something and it isn't here anymore, its because I am either re-editing, or getting ready to add something else. Also, some of the things I say on here may be understandable and some may not, and sometimes I may not blog or add anything for a while. It's okay with me if you don't understand me or what I write, I mean no ill will in my words or what I write so don't take it personal if it offends you that's just not my aim. My blog or this page is created for me, and for my fans or anyone who wants to come on here and read what I write.