"crasser" in faktor T.

By "Crasser," I mean procrastination for this post.

That time I slept on a New York subway to avoid apologizing to my mom. I procrastinated. I rode the train overnight. You see, I had rebelled, was rebelling against certain rules that all mothers have.

I wanted to go to prom....but we only had church dresses. Me and my friends had all congregated by one of their houses because her mom had the best dresses I had ever seen. We were all going to borrow one....and my friend let us.

We went to prom in "styleth"...... purposely misspelled. It was me and three others of us looking awesome. We were each other's prom dates as friends as we were best friends. That was one of the best school years of my life!

But, I was not supposed to be enjoying myself like this. If I was going to enjoy myself the best way to do so is under the word of God according to my family.

Reading. Singing praises. Going to church every weekend. Making a difference in the community by passing out encouraging words and pamphlets every weekend. Mandatory.
Going to church and then going out into the community with all the church members to preach and encourage youth every weekend.

Might I add, I was too cool, so I knew my school acquaintances were passing up and down the popular shopping block seeing me. I wasn't going to hide as I had tried hiding for so long and they still saw me. Yeah, but back in school I was back to the shenanigans.

At the time preaching and stuff that didn't seem like fun at all. In the end.....mom wins. I couldn't procrastinate forever. I went home and took the lecture about disobedience as all the rest of them were. Now I see how hard as a single mother she was working to protect us and it was inexplicably difficult as we were immigrants.

Not losing faith is important. All that lecturing mom did, I finally started to apply to myself and my life. Besides, moms always win.....because they can't "Un-mom" themselves or rather ourselves. My mother is responsible for the woman I am today. I wouldn't be a good mother if not for her. I thank her as much as I can. I just show up. Sometimes that's all you need to do is show up.

Faktor T, is the trust factor.

About the crasser above which is me sometimes.....I procrastinated because I didn't trust myself at the time to face my mom and tell her hey I am not missing prom. Because no amount of lecturing would have made me miss prom.

Its possible that if I had trusted myself enough to ask her, she would have absolutely let me go but I wasn't sure. I couldn't take the chances of her telling me no.....what? and disappoint all my friends who were also not telling their moms.

My friend had shown me a dress she wished to wear one day....a long time before the prom.....she got to wear it that day and she made us pick out of the long line of gowns and dresses for ourselves. What didn't fit we tried on until something fit. If that isn't a friend....I don't know what is!

Out of all four of us, only one told their mother.
Sidenote: that was the mom we all hung out at when we were not at my house because she looked out for all of us too like we were her own. She was also a believer in God and in prayer. Anyway... I wanted to keep it nice and error free....no mom to tell me no.....no problem enjoying myself.

And enjoy we did!

Trust is a very important element of humanity. You know what I trust? I trust the universe. I trust animals. I trust nature. I trust that I will be me, I trust my mom....after all..... like I said, she can't "Un-mom" herself. I trust my children......they can't "Un-kid" themselves from me either.

There is no point here this is a muse. I don't tell myself to have trust issues even though I have some. I think you can't go on not trusting something or someone. I trust myself, or at least I work on it as often as I can. Thanks.