Have you visited this blog before? If so, then you know that I have no set special day to post thoughts or musings. I do so at the behest of the heartstrings. If I am to write I will, and if I have nothing to give, then I can't write. This post will be short.

What is Thought "Refinition" ?

If "Refinition" isn't a word already, it is now. For me and the purposes of this blog.

To understand what thought refinition is in my mind, you would have to understand how fragile and limited we are as a race. You can try to elevate your race, you can try to define who you are through the color of your skin and make a huge deal about it forever if that is your wish....

Notice I said "forever".... Not just today or tomorrow but for all time. That is refinition that you are practicing in my opinion. You have decided to wake up, and expound on your thoughts.

You have decided to define yourself by you skin and its complexities, furthermore, you told someone, who told someone else, now everyone knows and you just don't care. That's blatant refinition.

You've already inserted your language in your genetic coding. Its all over you. And you should be proud because at least you stand for something. Good or bad. Want everyone to know you are Black or White, Indian or Spanish? Good, by way of having to say or remind anyone of your race, you have elected to refine the conversation around something you think is important to you. Again. Good.

Next, here is another example of why I call this "refinition,"  You have said or done something you consider to be less than ideal, or maybe you did or said something that you think is ideal, but someone else doesn't....still you refuse to change your position....did you know that that was okay? All ways.

How do you define something bad or good? You refine in your own way and make a call for yourself... we do this unconsciously every single day.

We ourselves at this point in time is our truest...and still, there is always room for "refinition." We refine our art, (like me) art is wide...it can't be contained, I am not sure if art can be wrong, the only time I can consider it to be wrong is if it hurts other people...like your fellow neighbors....friends....family.....and even so....we are still in "refinition." We do not purposely and consciously choose hurt. I have to believe this, or else I'm screwed.

Did you learn something yesterday or the day before? every language, every reason, everything you touch or hold, can be refined.

There are currently in my mind two ways to think of something....good, bad, for me there is no in between its either or. You can refine either though.

However you process a situation, try to take it apart and refine it. We as humans should always be in a state of constant refinition or, I feel we become stuck.

Once your stuck, that's pretty much it. Why? Because you've created for yourself a reason to stay "unrefined," that mindset takes a wallop to break, you become a refinition of repetition. If you are okay with that, then you get to miss out on things that really matter because you are too busy repeating and refining your stuck.

If I am to be "refinition," then I must forge that with some type of positivity. The polar opposite of that is negative....did you know that that was okay too? Negative charges eventually find its way back to a positive charge. Back and forth. The only thing that can break this cycle, is to not break it, but to refine it, so you can get to a place where the charges work better for you whether you are on the negative or positive side of it.

Refine your thoughts.
Refine your goals.
Refine your engine.
The oil guys already know how important "refinition" is.
Refine your melody.
Refine your decisions.
Refine your choices.
Refine your chaos.
Refine your suffering.
Refine your struggle.
Refine your lyrical life.
Refine your painting.
Refine your poetry.
Refine your voice.
Refine your spirit.
Refine your wine.
Refine your career (I didn't say get rid of it, just refine it and see if it still works for you, if it does, refine it some more so it can work better for you).
Refine your love, (That's already solid, it just is and can't be anything else, but still it can be refined into its purest form. I call that bliss but you can have another name for it if you want.)
Refine your hope, (This one's so worth it. When hope is refined, your heart can burst, not literally, but its just a feeling you get, that all is well somehow and you can't explain it so there is no need to explain it.)
Refine your motives.
Refine your technology.
Refine your peace and prosperity. (Did you get lost somewhere in time where you thought prosperity is gone? It isn't....all you have to do is refine it so you can get to another kind of prosperity.)
Refine your skills.
Refine your drive.
Refine your calculations.
Refine your questions.

The last refinition here is going to be your answers. So refine your answers to your own questions you are asking. Add your own thoughts in whatever way you can if you read this, think about the things you need to refine. If you have nothing to refine, I cannot speak for you. My work has to speak for me and I let it.


Truly, next time though.
t.

If you listen to my music or check out my blog, this will be a different blog for you and me. This is random stuff. I've attributed it to something that I'm going to term "Thoughtdits."

Random thoughts (Thoughtdits). Let me explain how this will work. Each line, each number represents words or a thought that I have in the moment. Something that came to mind, I'll put it down then try to explain with an answer. The answers, or the way this is written might not take a hold for you. Like I said they are random.

1) Random ..... Something occurs, because it does.

2) Escape   ..... You can't and I can't. Why would you bother to try? You try because you can't escape sunlight, or air.

3) Peace commitment ..... Are we at peace, within us that is, are you at peace? Why not? You don't even need to answer, because I don't have an answer for you either.

4) Pagan  ..... I don't know how to define that term.

5) Placate ..... So you want what? Nothing? neither do I. There is nothing to placate.

6) Crocs  ..... slippers or an actual crocodile? I'm not telling you.

7) Shrug ..... Its best at times, especially while doing laundry. (I'm a mom, laundry is a part of the genetic code).

8) Porridge ..... Cornmeal hello, like Goldilocks; she liked it, and we made the best porridge when I was a kid. Milky, creamy and everything in between with a little cinnamon and it has to be a little sweet with no lumps. Cornmeal also, is good for your facial routine if you don't have Noxzema.

9) Later ..... The opposites are earlier, or on time, which gives you two opposites. That just proves it doesn't have to be one opposite all the time even though I accept one most of the times.
 
10) Pluses ..... Do you know what you have to do to form a plus. Good luck.

11) Fifty Shades ..... Of religion which I don't even see how that works. There are many religions, too many shades of it. So wot? Live.

12) Visit .... Only earth, because that's where we are.  Got something to say? Just look. Explore to your heart's content safely and in prayers, that is my wish for you and myself.

13) Notoriety ..... youme or you then me or me then you. Take care now.

14) Spectator ..... Obviously, only time can tell if we spectate. Put some flowers on that.

15) Pyrotechnics ..... Puleeze, who knows. Lights, action, leave that cam back there so you check on it never.

16) Styrofoam ..... makes noise when you voice or touch it. I think, so don't take my word for it.

17) Lashes ..... Could be that's hair.

18) 180 degrees ..... Whats that? I thought there was a 360 degrees ( I told you these were random thoughts).

19) Tarp ..... Is that a cover? Or is that a message? Forget it.

20) Last ..... This is the last numbered random thought, not your average avatar, but not my last numbered random "thoughtdit."

Lets move on to a few letters, something worthwhile because numbers are just as important.

a) Name and blame ..... cut that out! Whats your deal? Live, why can't you just remember something so simple, even though I forget things all the time, still.

b) Cradle and saddle ..... These are obviously two different words I just wanted to list them.

c) Mode and abode.... Anything you want is yours technically speaking, but we know that's not entirely true.

d) Surround and abound ..... Why would you not? abound. You're brilliant. Save some for you me them.

e) Choice and foist ..... come hither, but you better stay put from where you are at, or else nothing.

f) Far and tar ..... Far is far, tar is black, its thick and hot, its a natural resource. Natural resources are so important. Why are they important? No you didn't ask that? I was expecting you to know this fact, its important so leave it at that.

g) Deck and check ..... You can card this, casino this if you want which I don't even make up. What I really want you to do is check, check that you are well. Be well, not the one with water, just actual health well.


Now lets start backwards of the alphabet.

z) Z ..... Literal. Do this at night-time, relax, stay true, elevate your state, not the country state, not your red state, not your blue state, just your state "Of....."

y) Whyyyyyeeeee ..... I'm hoping Y comes before Z, but if you turn it around you see that Z actually can be first, it isn't of course. That's too bago short for badgood.

x) Hexagon ..... To many sides, too many.

w) Again ..... (W)hyyyyeee, ain't that how that's pronounced? not in my opinion.

After W, what's next?

More randoms.

T) Toll boot, could be that is booth.

L) Lacking doesn't mean material always.

7) Try always because its all you can do.

50) Random as "Fu" ................ ture. Not the curse word. It can't be on here, only in my art, it will possibly show up but I don't need it to make a point. Neither do you. That's why it isn't necessary for it to be here. It can however be in many other places. You decide where you want that for yourself.

Scientific) Exactly, random. Lots of things start with S.

Plurals) Language.

Production) Largely about the generation of ideas, just like this blog and your blog, this work and your work. My thing and your thing. All the same but with different uptakes. Here's an idea for instance, I will cook at some point but not sure when. Get that? Even if you don't cook, someone mentioned it to you back there somewhere, now you know cooking starts with a C, I'm sure I didn't need to tell you that.

More randomness.

The point I'm trying to make is, be okay with your random thought processes, you need them. They can't exist without you. Mine can't exist without me. That's why I wrote this blog like this. You might find it weird, or even ridiculous but again, just words and random thoughts, this is what makes up creativity. Creativity is a huge word. It's like a pall, you can't get rid of it, its what makes us up.


Thanks.

Summer? Where?
Oh here. Now.

This could or could be a post no one cares for too much. I don't need to remind you that this is just an opinion. If you absolutely must quote me at anytime just understand I cannot follow up because I already did by this blog.

All peeps gotta do when venturing on my sanctity is to remember that we all have these things called opinions. I'm no different. If you prefer, I'm going to state the reason for this blog first below, and then you can decide if you want to read the rest.

I DO NOT want Reppy Deffy.

Don't know what it is? I'm talking about Reparations. In order to construct this blog today, that's all you need to know and you do not need to hear or read my reasons or my philosophy even though I'm gonna write it anyway.

Lets begin....for real.

In order for me to wrap my head around the magnitude of reparations, I must rename it to Reppy Deffy, but will use reparations interchangeably.

Yeah, I would refuse it. I just don't want it. Its me standing alone here probably and I'm not a stranger to that. With all due respect, I must refuse. Again, its just my opinion.

 Category A.

I would not be able to take the Reppy Deffy without insisting that All people of color, including indigenous receive the same equal amounts.

Lets say we people of color get 50 bags of gold, if you are mixed, you should get 25 bags of gold, for every person? That's a lot of gold.

1) Do you really want it?
2) If so, is twenty five to fifty bags enough?
3) If not, how else can you collect the payment?
4) Are you sure the above 25-50 reference is feasible?
5) Where will it come from?
6) Would you be willing to pay $125 for a bottle of milk or is the current pricing more to your liking?
7)Do you know who will pay for the cost?
8) Do you care?
9) You should care. (That's not a question).

Category B.

I) To ask a "White man" to cut a check is the same as asking a "Black man" to cut a check. Its just insulting and degrading to the cause and the idea of Reppy Deffy. That's not what its all about. There are other unnameable references no one wants to talk about. Until that's addressed, it still remains a fact that, I would refuse the Reppy Deffy even if it was addressed.

II) Can I curse on here? no I won't. This is my blog that I consider to be sanctified, so I can't use any insults or use it to degrade anyone since its a percentage of my voice besides my music and writing.

But if I believe that all Blacks and Indigenous people are owed, then I must also believe that someone owes someone and its a possibility that the "ower" cannot pay for whatever reason. Therefore, anybody owes somebody, and somebody owes everybody which can be everybody, so who's anybody huh? Tell me who?

III) I know that this will sound un "okay" but I can't hold this one back. I respect my congressional folks, all of you because we all live in this country and contribute to the world, and I am impartial when it comes to my defense and who deserves it, I cannot help that part about me, but to say "We gave you a Black president"....trust me I understand the sentiment.....but its just not enough.

That statement alone dehumanizes the entire concept of reparations. In my opinion, to elect someone, and then wait until they are out of the office they serve, then to dehumanize their work whatever it may be, makes a statement like that unhelpful in every way I can think of. It means you cannot comprehend, or are not interested in understanding the reasons for the Reppy Deffy convo in the first place.

IV) Don't you think in some way God has a hand in selecting our presidents and leaders? With that question, here is another: Don't you think God is in the people and gives us the power to appoint the people to lead us collectively?

V) The world does tune in slightly, to see what's happening in America. What up?
I hope you can understand that no amount of monies, no amount of bags of gold, nothing at all can bring back the lives that humanity has lost during slavery, and the wars of slavery, all world wars. Its novel though.

Can we give reparations back to the one true son of God Jesus? He was the one hanging up their innocently bleeding from holes put in his body by his own fellow humans. And he would still refuse it. He cannot accept by default, he would never have asked, and because I know this from my heart, I must also refuse it. What he would want is for us to probably stop predetermining our worth so much.

Category C part 1 of my refusal.

One of the main reasons why I would refuse Reppy Deffy is this fact that I hold dear to me. I believe with impunity, that "By the sweat of your brow you shall eat bread." So again, I must refuse, because even if someone came to me and handed me a check and said its for reparations, I would ask, is it from my work? did you purchase something of mine from this website? how so? when? where? if the answer is "no, here is just money," I cannot accept.

It would have to come from a place of legitimacy for me to be okay with taking it. By legitimacy, I mean, is that from my product? as a result of my productivity in the here and now? I would refuse anything otherwise from the past as I only like writing about that in fiction novels or poetry or watching a movie or Art in general.

Category D part 2 of my refusal.

The last and main reason why I would refuse reparations is this....its a "conscientious destiny." No one can make anyone care about a cause if they don't want to. And for that reason, the argument of reparations is broken and must stay that way because we deserve to have it stay broken.

We deserve to debate this over and over until exhaustion, and then some. We deserve to be stuck with the legacy. Its ours, both beginners and enders all over the world. Its one of those arguments that simply cannot be fixed because it happened already. That's okay peoples. Remember that its quite okay to have this broken argument. You are allowed to be mad and engage your leaders. Its how it should be. Non violent though. To be violent with your leaders and lawmakers is dehumanize the argument of Reppy Deffy. And we are humans, so lets stay this way shall we. Live more.






Soooooooooooo....... We can improve our payback system though by:

a) Expanding the programs that already exist.

b) Check your humanitarian crisis so that people can be paid for their laboring whether it be for gold, oil, metals, cloth, food or whatever resources they are supplying fairly.

c) Preserve the planet more and more and more. If the planet dies, so do we.

d) Prison reform. (This one is up to our law makers and law enforcement) Fullstop.

d) Educate, period


In closing.

Deep in our hearts we already know that Reppy Deffy contains sacrifices that cannot be repaid. To deny that is to deny your own existence. But more than that, in my opinion, to demand payment for a sacrifice is to declare that sacrifice null and void, therefore it would not be a sacrifice to begin with. Therefore by your own sweat and blood you shall eat bread and shall be rewarded. Get it? If you got up today and went to a job, or career, or anything at all that you labored for hopefully in good faith for your bread and butter, then you already decided how you want to be rewarded, even if you don't notice.

Be blessed.

After I complete a writing project. Even during, I do a lot of reflection. This is my way of keeping my aura authentic. I have to translate that into writing, so meditation/reflection....you know...the works. What not.


That was a simple opening statement, what has really been on my mind almost all week was how a particular girl changed my life forever.

My first fiction book I read, was a four page book she wrote. Very neatly. I think we were 9 or 10. A school friend in Jamaica, gave me a book she wrote. I feel like that was it, the moment that changed my life forever.

In honesty, I spent a long time trying to figure out how a little kid came up with a perfect story. This might not sound important to you, but here I am.

Well, lets say, after she gave it to me and I read it, I tried to write stories that were as perfect as hers.  She read all my efforts. "That's good. That's good too." she had said.

While, I gave her story after story, I think she knew, she was that good, and my stories just could not match. It must be the reason, I think of her almost every time I finish a project.

If I have ever given you the real reasons to my love of fiction works, well, here is another one.

I write fiction because, I consider life to be fractured. We are born to this, born into an impulsive and reckless beginning we can do zilch about. Now, that fracture, splits into other fractures that reverberate throughout lifetimes. Its not an unfamiliar concept.


But In my opinion, only the vibrations change .............................................. and even that may change.

I'd rather write about the fictional scenarios, because it serves me better to see how many ways I can make a reader guess. It serves me, to expand an imagined, fractured scenario.

 Scenarios vary by characters, and characters vary by fractured lifetimes compressed into just one moment each time I write another scenario. How can I make my audience remember to ask themselves something they have never asked themselves before?

That is all you will get out of my art. By the way, this is again, warming you up to my writing. My first lessons in reading are Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.

Since I'm a lover of romance, its only fair that I mix reporter/detective........into, "love," then report that detective. I've also read a book called Sheisty, I think that's how its spelt. I borrowed the book from my friend who at the time was into reading just like me. We traded barbs about whose books were better. Like I said, she had her thing and I had mine, but I was willing to give her thing a try.

I only took the book so that I can divert to something new since my books always consisted of romance and/or mystery, then I couldn't put it down. This is an example of don't judge a book by its cover.




I find most people struggle with self acceptance. Have you ever asked yourself, what it is? Take yourself and all your fractures and just sit with it and tell yourself it is what it is? Can you do that? Do you have what it takes? You see, your scenarios and your fractures are only half of self acceptance. The other half is completely you and no one can accept you....for you.




Enough about me. "Debatior" was cooler for me to put in the title instead of "Debate."

What I'm about to say, may not come off well. But this is free advice. We live here don't we? Did you awake? Good, so did I.

Here is the other part of this blog I should have started with, but you know, its my blog so "mi" se some tings bout miself.....now to the real reasons for this particular blog.

How can you win an election?
Free advice remember? Anyone can use this if you find it interesting.

Since I'm not running for nothing, I have no interest whatsoever, I am a singer, a songwriter an artist, I wouldn't be giving you this advice if I planned anything at all. You would know. I would announce it here. This is my public work right here. I would take my own advice.

I'm not going to tell you which party I registered for that's personal.

1) Take a good, long, look at yourself. Guess yourself out first. What are your weak points? What have you done? Be honest. Make your strong points stand out more than your weak points and only you have the ability to do that.

2) Take a good, long look at your opponents/candidates. (Be blessed all of you) What have they done?

3) Who are your opponents opponents? Really. It might behoove you to not miss this one.


hhhhhhhhhhhhh, I took a breath. Remember here, I look at things rather impartially. Not sure if that's good or bad. I just want to be fair with my advice to any persons this might help.

4) What is their plan?

5) What is your plan for their plan?

6) What is your plan B for their plan B and C which they will have. You need to take your plans all the way to Z if necessary.

7) You'll need another plan after Z just in case your opponent thought of this.

8) Now, is there anything in their plan that you feel you can resonate better? Didn't see their plan yet? Well the fact that they are running is their plan. They will have several aces, you can't afford to take the seriousness of the situation for granted. It's a presidential office. Its massive. They know it and so do you.

9) From time to time, try to remind yourself why they absolutely do not deserve it more than you.  The reason why you need to reflect on that is because they are doing the same. Telling themselves they deserve it more than you? Is that the case? You need to make sure it is not the case, which is why you will reflect from time to time why they do not deserve it  more than you do.

10) Your authority, none of you, you cannot allow your opponent to call you out without having a solid "come hither" ......I'm joking, you just need to be able to defend yourself and your authority. You are running for a presidential office, you've been vetted a fraction of the way already. You're already authorized to begin by will of the people.

11) I could list some more, but if you think the above will help you, it probably will not. Because the rest is up to you and no one can change that but you. No one can make a case like you right? its why you're running? You deserve it.

So be honest if you can.

12) Negative attacks that are personal only works for the moment. A little while. Be careful with that. After that, where is your substance? I mean your plan. Negative attacks are only to be used if absolutely must, its a fine line...so  use your discretion.


In closing.
Debatior.

I want to write about an opportunity I missed a long time ago because I was....well. I shouldn't call myself that, but there is no other word for it. I was ...um.....   "ignorant."      There. 

Yes, way back when, in the era of laundromats and things that are less popular now, I was at a laundromat and a girl next to me kept reading and laughing to herself.

As a person who reads a thing or two sometimes, I was interested in finding what she found so funny on this arduous day. She turned to me suddenly and asks, "have you ever read this guy?"

I looked, and I told her no as I was not interested in receiving her message. I didn't know who he was. But after she mentioned him, I continued to hear his name in books, mentioned almost everywhere in religious and spiritual circles.

She told me "Girl....you need to get a book, this person is amazing."

I nodded and told her yeah...okay.

She went on to read and laugh and enjoy the book, her energy was so positive, that because of that moment, I am writing about it now. This is the perfect opportunity to mention this on my blog.

This is not a paid endorsement of any kind. I already told you I was not going to sell nothing on my blog. I can only, come on here, and give you gifts in the way of positive vibes.

Anyway, the day was hot, I did not want to be there, all I wanted was for my clothes to dry so I can go. I wasn't in the best mood, but just her vibes, it really made me think that she was crazy. Many years later, now I look back, I hope she stays as blessed in as many ways as possible and I know that she is very blessed.

She was reading, and for the first time this is when I heard this name.

T. D Jakes.

Don't forget it. I didn't. And while we are at it, I want to mention Tutu. I will get around to buying a book or two from any of these gentlemen. I'm putting their names because you need to have it. My spiritual journey was something else, all our journeys have a life of their own, so even though I have none of the gentlemen's books above yet.......that was yet....

I do have others that have the same message.



I hope you have a wonderful summer. May you be blessed and the abundance you seek be your guiding light. That's how I found myself again. The lessons you learn along the way are more important than where you are at in your current position.



So, I wrote another book. The book I am coming out with is fiction. I've said before that I am a fiction writer too. Not just a musician. The category of art has no bounds. I celebrate that proudly by being who I am. Don't over analyze the book if you ever see it published. And don't get your hopes up if you see or don't see it published. Its just a book to enjoy like all fiction books.

Its possible you may or may not like it. Its possible that it can't get published, or the publisher may not be able to publish for a reason. Either way I will try to make sure it gets to you one way or the other.

I like it. But I can't guarantee you will be able to read it and that's just me being honest. I do have more music and books coming, so I get pretty busy, especially when deciding which project to finish in between parenthood.

Do check my website or my social media as I would post there as  well. My book is not a spiritual book, its geared towards adults only. 21 and over please. I hope to bring you a few books, I can't change how I write, if you like it you do, if you don't my bad.



Sincerely

Go be blessed.



Happy Summer!

Seriously?

Happy Monday if you happen to visit my blog. This time, I have two posts to share with you so this is one of two. This one and the one after this.


Do
Not
Think
This
Is a Joke. Even though it may sound humorous I am very serious about this one. This is an important post for me to write.  Let's begin.

Separate.



More Separation..............................................

Okay. Here goes.

A foot rub, a really good one can rejuvenate your nerves, your senses, it relaxes you and this is healthy. Foot rubs should not be done for more than three to five minutes in my opinion. If you can, you should do it at least three times a week. Be careful and as gentle as you can be with the insoles. It can even be done while meditating.


Besides my immediate family, there are only two people outside of my family that I would give a foot rub to.

One is the J guy. You know who I'm talking about, but just in case you mistake me, the J guy for this post is a Palestinian Jew. He had twelve disciples and I hope I am forgiven for just referring to the king of kings as the J guy......

Anyway, J guy got his feet rubbed by one woman named Mary. After her, I would have been next. If she said something to me like why are you here? or no you can't, I'd tell her a few choice words.

But I wouldn't have to, because she would let me. It would be both of us, giving the Messiah's feet the best rub he would get. And since I wasn't there, only Mary Magdalene got the honor. If I lived in that time, there would have been no greater honor. None at all.

His name is Jesus, so I guess I don't have to beg forgiveness after all.



The second person.
Brace yourself.
A few words before I reveal the name.
This person cannot let anyone close to them other than family. So as a commoner, I would have no chance. That's why I'm saying it. Because I know that to be royal is very special, I already know that security and protection for them is too solid. That's good. I'm too common, I have no title, I'm just a nobody. But I would rub the the Queen's feet.

This is how it would be done, I'd get her a comfortable chair, the best lazy boy, I'd let her read or talk and reminisce about knights! and castles, I'm sure those stories take on a life of their own.

While rubbing her feet, I'd listen. Or, she doesn't have to talk at all if she didn't want to. I know I shouldn't probably be saying this, but I do mean it. There would have to be no one in the room, absolutely no one but me and her (yeah right....wishful thinking) She would not allow that. Her guards will not allow that. But that's how it would have to be for me though. And since I know that's next to impossible, I suffice to write about it.

I can't get to her, so don't worry, that's why I wrote it so everyone knows if they happen to read this blog.

So now you know the above two people are the only people outside of my family I would be honored to do that for.

Happy Monday!

Secretly, this post might just be my favorite post. Because its a serious one. Then again, I like them all.....

Stiude - is for Students just for short and title ornaments.

It was like this. When I entered college, I had big dreams. That's how it is. I saw everything in a straight, perfect line. I was going to get everything from As to Bs, my professors are all going to like me.

At the start of my college years waaaay back whenever, I was going to be better. I wanted validation for something, motherhood maybe, womanhood, possibly.

All of the above? Well. I guess.

No one was going to tell me I couldn't do it.

And then life did happen. As it does for all of us. For my straight line, I now saw gaps I didn't expect to have to find a way to fill. I lost my way again and again, I was in the darkness about how aid worked. It just was not working out like I wanted. I was behind, in classes. Two years turned to threeeeee..... (Oh my). I was pretty sure when I heard about community college by the way....I read "two years college,"

That it would be actually a solid truly truly 2 (years).

It took me three and a half years probably.

Yes, that is how long it took me to finish Community College, even maybe say three and a half if you add the breaks I definitely needed. No one tells you that. I will. Now you know. I wasn't as fast as some who graduated on time. To complain about it stretching longer should not be an option for you if you really want to finish what you started.

I got stuck by math (but I learned), I got stuck by debt (but I don't regret it and never will), I got stuck by Bio, just for the record....I'll explain this one briefly.

Its the single most poignant reason I decided against the healthcare field. Besides the fact that I'm an artist and can't be anything other. You see, at one point between atoms and whatever else, my professor told me I was failing. We battled that. Together. I passed. Maybe during those exams where she saw some of us were struggling, she knew that work was (................................................) hhrd.

She was a doctor, so she did it already. Anyway I passed. Don't ask me how. It was a miracle. With her help. Good. Onward.

Indige

What's personally indigenous to you? Is it art, music, writing, cooking, anything? everything? most things? nothing?

Like studying. That's something.

If you haven't added studying to your indigenous list, you should. We're all students of life. I can tell you that in college, no one is going to hand nothing to you. Also some professors will wait for you to have the audacity to give them shoddy work and then complain when they fail you. They already passed their stuff remember?

You are just not going to like all your professors and they are all not going to like you. I learned that one, almost asap.

If you're life line in school evaporated like mine did, and took me forever to fix meaning longer classes and the such, remember many of us have been there and still made it.

There's a name for us. But I'm not going to say it here, you have to figure that out. The name you get when you have finished, or title. That's another list you want to get on.

Have I failed classes.
You have no idea.

I mixed my education with raising my kids, (I had help from their dad too.) But as the main caretaker, I did raise my children and go to school and had a full-time job overnight. For a long time.

Did you hear that?
That means you students have no excuses.

Are you in between wondering if you should shift to online classes? I did both. There is no shame.

Briefly on that.
Don't be discouraged if you have to start somewhere and end somewhere else.

Traditional classes:

My traditional classes where I drove or took the bus to school were full of excitement. I met great professors, had the rich feeling of having my school peers answer questions, debate in classes, disagree, agree to disagree, discuss stuff. Being there was hectic, but now I look back, I realize how lucky I am.

Being online to me, is the same way. Except you are on your own. Make no mistake, if you find a reputable online school you are comfortable with, just understand that everything is just mostly online, even teachers have to use online.

So either way you are going to learn something online. Professors are strict there as well, because there is no one to help you much, you are having to figure it out on your own. And if they see that you haven't formatted your work, they will fail you. They have to match it up with their own guidelines, which means match it up with another work, and find it wanting? or is it good enough to pass just like the work they are matching it up with? The same criteria that already passed elsewhere.

I have failed more classes online than I have in traditional classes. They have a quota they have to fill, and because they have to make up for not being in a traditional setting, the work can be a lot more difficult.

With that said, I loved my online classes too. I am honored to have done both and can talk about it.

There are several ways to pick a career.

1) You just pick one. And stick to it. No matter what.

2) You let one pick you.

3) You do both, which is still picking one and letting one pick you.

4) You quit.
Surprisingly, that's still something. Don't beat up on yourself because its not for you. Its not for everyone and that's the truth.

5) Don't over address or over-use yourself too much.
College is supposed to be rewarding, not stressful, strike a balance somewhere.

6) Revisit your "Objective,"
I mean the reason you started. Why are you there? I wish I had revisited my objectives much more often. That's why I'm telling you. At the start of every school year or term, you need to figure out something........... Only you can decide what that is, and then you need to take one positive away from what you figured out no matter what it is.

I cannot explain 1-6 much more except in my terms. Only you can find your way like I had to. Like all the others who have been where you are at. I found that my objective was to learn, to study. That's not a career. An objective is more like a "point" you are making.

Finally:

Did you learn anything at all from this post? Are you sure?
Are you interested in what I learned at all? I'm just going to tell you anyway.

I learned way too much and not enough.

Thanks.


Other creds.
Google.

C' mon peeps. Tues aren't so bad.

We just came off of Memories and Mourning. Don't mind the title. The only thing that you should be taking away from here if you care, is "McFote"..... or FoteDat. I'm trying to say Vote.

This may or may not be too long for you. I got to get it out, its my civic duty. My blog is free to read for all. No one is paying me to put anything on here. But I live here, so my music, my writing and my blog is where you would find my thoughts if I have any. Its possible sometimes I do. Like right now.

I can't be uninvolved. Neither can you.

I say "McFote" because voting is a little played out at times. Cliche if you will. It sounds like "Go do something you don't want to do," or "Go be forced to vote". That darned V word.

Anyway, to put it in context there are reasons I do it. Everyone has there reasons and you should too. Find one. Out of the possible thousands of reasons that exist you only have to pick one. If you can't bring yourself to say vote or vote, try to say Imma "McFoteDat."

Of course its kind of ridiculous. But so wot?

I have several reasons I do it. Some I'll say, some are personal.

Will never make it on here. I just can't say. Here are the ones I can say.

I McFote because:

1) I can.
You see, I had to take my kids to school this morning. No control over that. I had to buy gas, I be needing to get where I'm going, no control over that either. In fact...I don't have any control much, except what I eat as that's the most obvious one, how that's done up and tight, stored and stuff.....many other things I can't control....but I can vote? You mean....I get to pick? Someone? Anybody?

Who's on there? Details. By details I mean who be resonating at the very least partially. Minimal in its extremeness, because its really difficult to resonate.

2) What's it gonna cost me if I vote for you or you? By that I mean, can I get my stuff cheaper?  by the way....where's that coming from? Why do I care where its coming from? Because it matters. To-me. For reasons I can't explain its too long.

3) Now....which one of you or you is going to get me a better price and negotiate that? Did you have student debt? like I did? Like I do? Oh....and that's just a verrrry "smol" piece of the pie. I mean little. Students are just one fifth of the category. No pun intended, but we got some stuff we need to deal with and that's not a secret.

However way, whichever way voting translates to me having a better life, I'm for it. That trickles down you know....my fam, your fam... Your friends, you should be wanting to know what-up? up there on the hill.

4) I vote because I want them to do it. Not me. You don't need me to tell you the reasons why its difficult to be a politician. I wish each of them luck. Art rocks yeah!

There are only two parties so don't kid yourself. I've heard rumors at times that we are voting to be controlled. Yeah.... we are, that's why its important to personally Mc dat. Fote. We all have differences of opinions on who we want in there.

My opinion is always going to be in favor of my womanhood. I'm quite impartial in that respect. I can't be swayed into abandoning my progressive values.

I'm of the opinion that if I'm well, we all are well by the grace of God. Why wouldn't you want to send someone to the presidency? Someone to represent us? I want to be represented. I want my president...(because I live here), looking fine at all times. I want my president to have his chin up....back straight sir/madame, we are watching. Okay....sometimes we are watching.






Clearing my throat now. Let me separate some more.




Okay. Continuing.... Alright I'll be more honest...we watch maybe 2% of the times,  I personally watch on election day because my feet will take me to watch it all, by voting, that's more like 1 and a 1/2%... I don't think its enough. But its all I got. However way you want to interpret that.

I'm also impartial on who wins, because I won't put myself in a position to say I didn't do that duty, the one thing I can control in this country. Its a pretty big country. You can't control much but you can control who you see working that White House on our behalf. Who won is who you voted for. No one is going to like that I said that. I don't even like it. Smiling then pouting.....deep breath now.

For the non voters. I can't come on my blog and say all these things about voting, while not acknowledging the reasons some people don't vote. I do not fall into the category of a non-voter. Unless, we tore down our democracy, I will vote. There is so much power there. Why? because if you are displeased in any way...we are allowed to recast in four years.

Wow! look how that flew by. I thought we had, election just last year.  Well, lets say if you don't vote....then you just don't. I can't say anything about that or even make a list of reasons. I can find only one reason, and that is....you didn't believe in your democracy and it failed to resonate with you. I want you to know there is nothing....absolutely nothing wrong if you don't vote. That one is personal too. I can tell you that foting holds them accountable or at least tries to.

For challengers and incumbents. Do you deserve to have the presidency? It can be such a thankless job...you must accept this thankless destiny and fight for it. Its  a job that performs more like a service.

How do you even reconcile that? And that folks....has to be the hardest part of public service. This is truly where you see that money is worth absolutely zilch at times. Nothing you say can get anyone to vote for you unless they want to. So I wish all the best in an impartial way.

Good Day.

The title may be weird but this is an important piece for me to write for myself.

I am not the type to go back in the past much but sometimes it is necessary to make a point so for this post I will edge the past as little as I can but still try to make my point.

First...do not catch some type of offense by what you see on here. This is not meant to offend you, this is my blog. No one has to read it or nothing, I'm just an artist. You do not have to take anything from here and mention nothing to no one. You do not have to quote if you do not wish to. This is just my views on several topics, and life is still beautiful and worth living.

Lets deal with the Egodique and give it a meaning shall I?
Egodique - (Ego-Deek) The practice of misidentifying with the Ego .

How do I start?

Well....As you know I was a practicing Atheist for at least fifteen years. At some point you count. There is nothing wrong with Atheism let me just say...absolutely nothing wrong.

Why? Because God already knows about it. Remember God is a free choice free will entity.  He still provides us all with our daily bread. Imagine if God was an Atheist which, God is not, he would be subject to our whims, to our little ways and we wouldn't be here. If God created love, then that answers my questions.

I have to tell you as a former practicing Atheist, once bitten by Atheism, it is quite the hardest thing to detach from and that is not explainable mostly.

Its just so simple to be a non believer, it is the better option for some and God already knows why you are the way you are even if you tell no one and no one knows. There is a misconception that Atheism sends you to hell. I assure you....nothing is further from the truth. We are all judged on our individual merits by our Creator when it comes to that. So to judge the Atheist next to you is to judge yourselves. I am of the mind that people can always find their way as I did.

Sometimes, I defend the ego? (shock)

I was an Atheist remember....its quite hard to drop. I am definitely no longer an Atheist and I can not return to it. Like I said no offense its just my life after all. My choice to return to God and that did not come at a small price for me.

In my very own limited opinion, in my limited view of life....I was much more limited while practicing Atheism. I'm going to briefly tell you how Atheism made me think for those years....all fifteen of them and still spilling over now although I reject it.

1)  Love is interchangeable
2) Love should be used to manipulate
3) Love is used to hurt and can be withheld to obtain self's desires
4) Life is completely a self-serving cycle
5) Forgiveness is for suckers and is a weakness
6) Weaknesses are meant to be exploited
7) If someone doesn't do anything for you, why bother help them at all?
8) It is best to put your needs above others at all times
9) Did you say loved one? Don't care, they are to be used  if necessary in order to get what self desires
10) God is a failure in every way
11) God does not exist

Much more, many, many more elements. Too much to list. Too much to explain but you get my gist.

In one of my Atheist moments, I was in a class and working on a public policy paper about the "Daithe" Penalty. Yeah...I miss pelt that but I'm talking about a sentence that takes the lives of our most violent offenders.

I wrote the paper in favor.

Horrified now!

Oh....Oh....Oh....the irony of having to walk that back.

Because I cannot believe I wrote this paper agreeing to it. Briefly, I cannot speak for states and will not. I cannot speak for no one except myself on this. When I found God somewhere in myself again, I just cannot believe in the higher powers and also believe this is the right course. So I must reject the Death Penalty for anyone no matter who. I believe life in prison is simply a better option, that's my opinion.

I know there are reasons we do not see, I know there are states that will not agree. I know that a process ensues and it is not an easy decision to come to. I know that judges who hand it down, they think and they have their own reasoning. Much respect because that is a tough one!

At the time when I was writing the paper....the professor sent it back to me imploring me to change my position. I think he sent it back two or three times. But I was an Atheist, I didn't care what this professor had to say.

I sent it back still reiterating my position. Surprisingly the professor passed the paper. Now that I think about it, why would he fail the paper knowing I would have to take the class again? Why would he want to read such a paper and deal with a student who was....well....you know.....I had my views and at the time they were what they were.

And now...my goodness. Now I just don't believe in it. But no offense to those who do. My irony is that now I am writing a blog opposing it, that is putting that ego back in check.




Thoctor - You know I mean Doctor right?   M + D = Reverence for life savers all over our globe.

Plus, you are Thoctor because your degree is the highest there is....above mine.
(Grrrrr).
Now back to giving you the respect you deserve.


Not only did I wish to put that ego back in check...I want to make a major apology. Yeah apologies are weaknesses too... but not for me. No one can ever say I am a non apologetic person so I'm gonna nip that in the bud right now.

I apologize to any Physician out there who is offended by the threat to your license. I am a citizen and have no business saying what I am saying, but I apologize on behalf of myself and my family, for sending you to school for nearly twelve years, ignorant of what you have sacrificed to maintain your credentials, ignorant of where you are from, what you deal with on a daily basis, the lives you save, the emergencies you fix, the cures you are working to find, the families you are helping, I apologize that we asked you for your sacrifice quite open heartedly and turned around and threatened you.

I only know some terms of MD, but not all.

1) Optometrist.  (That's called, "Is something wrong with your vision? I can help you fix it...I went to school for many years to specialize in helping you".)

2) Internal Medicine. (That's called, "I'm working on a cure to see if I can cure you or make you feel better".)

3) General Practitioner. (That's called, "Come all, I can try to help you figure out what hurts and make some recommendations or referrals".)

4) Family Practitioner. (That's called, "I specialize in taking care of families.")

5) Psychiatrist, Psychologist. (That's called, "I study mind health, I know mostly all there is to know about mental disorders and will try my best to make you feel better".)

6) Surgeons. (That's called, "You may need surgery at some point, I went to school to study how to help you stay alive and healthy if you need it.")

7) Gynecologist, Obstetrics. (That's called, "I love women and babies so much I wanna make you healthy and happy.")

8) Urologist. (That's called, "I love men, lets keep them happy and healthy.")

9) Neurology. (Courtesy of Google I had to look how that one is spelt. That's called by the way...."I study brain. If there is something wrong in there, I can treat it and make you better.")


Many more specialties. Those are just a handful. Apologies again, for putting you through the ringer, and then asking you to break your life saving oath. Just know, that if you as a physician is asked to go against your oath....you are being asked, you are not choosing. Try to keep that in mind if it helps.



Lastly. Another word about a practice that is as extremely important to me as maintaining a credence. The practice of spirituality. Its very difficult because you slip all the time, because now...I believe we are meant to slip....just to show how imperfect we are, but since I revere spiritual teachers I want to make one last observation.

Remember when I said spiritual teachers may not even "shake your hand"?, anyone.....well I did say that in one of my posts. It's still true however with one exception.

The exception is  this....a spiritual teacher in my opinion will not refuse a handshake unless something in them actively prevents it. Spiritual teachers are the physicians of humanity for me. They by definition are the most advanced of all of us not in a medical way, but in a spiritual way. They...know...you...

Their knowledge of humanity comes from somewhere they won't say probably, or can't even explain other than God. Or whatever higher power they believe in. In all honesty, I cannot even see them refusing a call they know was presented to them for whatever reason. So not all of them will refuse it as they know they probably should not.

Sincerely.
Tracy.

oh my gauuud.

Just wanted to say that.

For this post, I want to highlight my mommy. You see, I just must because she is the mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, sam, jen, yellow, orange, green, gold, pesos, arithmay..... oh, arithmay is just because its cute. I think so.

I guess now it can mean a plethora of everything that is good. My mom is the arithmay of me. She taught me everything I know directly and indirectly. I told you before she never gave up on us but that is the understatement of the centuries. All single moms know. We don't just know....we like know s-stuff. Sometimes. We don't get it write. I mean right.

All mothers are Queens. All women are Queens. Dads you are Kings all of you, just because we need you...you know that don't you?

Moms don't get it right all the times. But what we do is love in our way.

I'm a Progressive.

It's because she lived a certain way too. She taught us how to "Come to America." Obviously, its probably not a secret I'm Jamerican and stuff.

I once had a friend, who never had a mother as in she grew up without her mother. That must have been so difficult for her.

Dads day is coming up. She was one of those friends that had your back no matter what. In my opinion, she was as solid a friend as any one could ever have.

But she in her case had a dad. When we went to her house, we were treated well. With respect. Like a part of the family. I am trying to highlight both dads and moms. She had a two parent household, but she still had a dad. In her case, he must have been a great one. In my case, mommmmeeeee. One woman made me learn to love myself in ways I never thought I could. It started with her. She would never ever abandon me. For that, you all know its that one person that just is....for me its her.

I had to do this blog for her. I appreciate her bringing me this way even though life was tough.

Now, back to progress. So....I was a progressive when I came to this country I think....I will simply tell you why already instead of going into a long explanation. I believe in a woman's right to choose. Always. And if I believe that...then I must believe that a woman can make her own decisions at her own will because God gave us the power to do so.

Thanks 4 reeding.